Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Girls & Boys

I divorced him because he was psychotic, not because he was a UAE national.

I didn’t marry him to get his passport, or take his money, or even because I loved him. I married him because I had a broken heart and I thought I’d never love again. I married him because I was mentally fucked and I couldn’t see any other point in life. I married him because I thought it’d change something in my life.

It changed everything.

I remember once, while I was so pregnant I could hardly stand up, a Bulgarian girl asked me how I did it. I had no idea what she was talking about. She explained, “How did you marry a local?” As if it was some sort of life long goal.

I remember feeling sick to my stomach at her question. It wasn’t my intent to marry a local. I married a friend. I married a friend based on a joke that went a little too far; right to the courts and down on paper.

Now, every time I tell a foreigner I’m divorced from a local, they seem to think that is the reason for the divorce. Locals NEVER stay married to foreigners. Local’s make bad husband’s. It’s bullshit. I refuse to look at the UAE nationals and make such a statement.

I’m sick and tired of the racial bullshit that this country festers. And I get to see and feel a LOT of it. I’m a blonde in hijab. Local women LOVE me; or at least the LOVE TO LOOK AT ME, as if I’m from some lesser species. Believe me. I don’t want to be wearing your clothing any more than you want me to be wearing it. I put it on for Islam, and since I’m not as good of a Muslim as I once was, I’d happily take it all off now. But I have a 3 year old UAE national son and a psychotic X husband who would most certainly use me removing my hajab as an excuse to fight for custody.

I’m sorry. I’ve been in this country more than 10 years. I’ve spent over 6 years in your courts. I’m not about to go there again.

I wonder if I walked around naked like the majority of the foreign women here, who are ruining your traditions, tempting your husbands, and destroying the innocence of your country… would you THEN stop looking at me with so much hate?

I’m not dressed like this to tempt your men, or make a mockery of your traditions. I’m not dressed like this because I want to be a UAE national. If I wanted your damn passport I could have had one already. Mine is prettier.

I have no problem with local men; except the ones who tell me they’re married and still want to talk with me. You all need psychological help or marriage counseling or something. I do have a problem with people assuming I divorced my X because he is from the UAE.

I divorced my X husband because he was psychotic, because I never loved him, because I couldn’t stay with him, because we had NO relationship at all, because he placed me in a state of mental torment even worse than the state I put myself in. I divorced my X husband because he’s Shia, while I’m Sunni and he couldn’t hold his tongue from insulting me for this. I divorced my X husband because he openly admitted to sleeping with prostitutes and I feared disease. I divorced my X husband for many, many reasons, and not one of them had to do with his nationality.

It’s one of the biggest problems in this country. Everyone sees skin before heart.


Blogger secretdubai said...

Wow - what a great new blog, I think you are one of the only/few western converts blogging so far. Fascinating perspective. Sorry also for your recent ordeals, it can't have been easy. I hope things worked out ok for you custody-wise.

I added you to the blogroll at UAE community blog - if you would like a member invitation there, just email me at [my username here] at gmail.

11:23 PM, March 14, 2006  
Blogger Tainted Female said...

Thanks. I'll do that... Just as soon as I figure all this blogging stuff out, and what exactly it means to be a member.

And, I have custody of my son. Thank God for Islamic Courts wise Judges, who are often not given enough credit.

8:30 AM, March 15, 2006  
Blogger archer14 said...

Good blog, I hope things get better for you.

3:11 PM, March 18, 2006  
Blogger Hot Lemon& Honey said...

I am sorry to hear that. I must say you are a brave woman...and your blog made me curious about you.
Would love to know more about you.

9:10 AM, March 19, 2006  
Blogger Tainted Female said...

hot lemon & honey...

I'm here, I'm here, I'm here... And I would love to get to know more about you as well.

I peeked at your blogs, but my mind's just wrapped up in this 'battle of the sexes' thing right now.

2:23 PM, March 19, 2006  
Blogger Hot Lemon& Honey said...

LOL...battle of sexes will always be an issue...its been forever..

10:10 PM, March 19, 2006  

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