Post Fifa Tainted Fairytale?
I don’t know if I’m prophetic or he’s just too damn predictable.
Not even 24 hours after the World Cup finale, the boy misses me. Yesterday, at four-thirty in the afternoon, he decided to send me a message saying, “I just wanted to say hi. I hope you and your son are well.”
I ignored him. He thought it right to send the same message again last night at ten-thirty; maybe I didn’t see it the first time? I ignored him again. An hour later my phone starts ringing. It’s his best friend. I don’t answer the first time, but he keeps on calling, so eventually I give in and pick up the phone.
The first thing I said was, “I don’t wish to talk to him. Please ask him to stop calling and messaging me. I will not answer.” He spent a whole of 15 minutes trying to tell me about the boy, and how he missed me and wanted to know how I was doing. In response to every sentence I cut him off without letting him complete, explaining that the guy only misses me because there’s no fucking game at the moment and it’s too late. I told him I don’t want him back and that any love I had for him in the past is now dead. I explained that I’m enjoying my life; my ability to do what I want without having to answer to anyone, to have a drink whenever I please without getting guilt-trip. I’m enjoying not cooking for the boy, not doing his damn laundry, not pampering his every need. I explained that I deserve and will find a better man. Eventually, the call got disconnected (thank you sincerely, Etisalat). I turned my mobiles off.
I was lying.
I am in love with this guy, perhaps I always will be. And it kills me, because I know if I let myself, I will take him back and he’ll just destroy me again. During the whole two years that he and I were together, he defiantly got more out of this relationship; in any sense. Maybe I’m a masochist? Maybe I need a man who will treat like shit, abandon me when I need him most, ignore my girlish emotions in total, take what he wants leaving little for me?
My mom doesn’t like him because she remembers how he forgot my birthday a few years back. My father considers him a ‘taker’ because he never really seemed to give, which is weird for any Arab. Most of the people who know him & I, (at least from my side), say he doesn’t appreciate me enough, doesn’t deserve me. T. from this entry on prisons in the UAE, knows the boy well and he hates him, for how he treats me alongside the fact that when the boy and I are together I’m not allowed to talk to T, or any other guy for that matter.
But all of them believe he’s a descent person at heart. And I know that’s the truth about him.
Twenty minutes later I turned on the mobiles again. There were about six missed call notifications from his best friend and finally a message saying, “I’m sorry to disturb you, but love never dies.”
I replied apologizing and making it pretty clear that I don’t want to talk to or about the boy anymore. And I really don’t, I guess. I’m miserable without him but I know it’ll just be worse eventually, if I take him back again. I don’t trust myself to talk to him anymore at all; not even a message.
Boys are horrible things.
Girls are worse.
Because a part of me believes I will take him back. He just needs to suffer a little more for making me suffer so, and he needs to prove himself with totally that he’s not going to pull this shit again. I don’t know how he’ll accomplish that, though. He’s crawled back and ‘proved’ himself so many times before; perhaps he’s exhausted all his options? Maybe he can’t or won’t, and that’ll be the end of it. It’s a sick sense of punishment I guess.
Yeah I’m still bitter about it. He did walk out on me as we were in the process of moving in together. He did leave me stranded after I quit my job without having another after he convinced me to depend on him; that he’d take care of me. It was only two weeks from my apartment expiry date when he left, leaving me with no options excepting moving back into the zoo I’m at now. He truly fucked me over, and maybe it was too far this time?
I knew he’d be back after the World Cup. And that just pisses me off even more.
Maybe I haven’t got a damn clue what I’m thinking or feeling about any of this, or him?
Not even 24 hours after the World Cup finale, the boy misses me. Yesterday, at four-thirty in the afternoon, he decided to send me a message saying, “I just wanted to say hi. I hope you and your son are well.”
I ignored him. He thought it right to send the same message again last night at ten-thirty; maybe I didn’t see it the first time? I ignored him again. An hour later my phone starts ringing. It’s his best friend. I don’t answer the first time, but he keeps on calling, so eventually I give in and pick up the phone.
The first thing I said was, “I don’t wish to talk to him. Please ask him to stop calling and messaging me. I will not answer.” He spent a whole of 15 minutes trying to tell me about the boy, and how he missed me and wanted to know how I was doing. In response to every sentence I cut him off without letting him complete, explaining that the guy only misses me because there’s no fucking game at the moment and it’s too late. I told him I don’t want him back and that any love I had for him in the past is now dead. I explained that I’m enjoying my life; my ability to do what I want without having to answer to anyone, to have a drink whenever I please without getting guilt-trip. I’m enjoying not cooking for the boy, not doing his damn laundry, not pampering his every need. I explained that I deserve and will find a better man. Eventually, the call got disconnected (thank you sincerely, Etisalat). I turned my mobiles off.
I was lying.
I am in love with this guy, perhaps I always will be. And it kills me, because I know if I let myself, I will take him back and he’ll just destroy me again. During the whole two years that he and I were together, he defiantly got more out of this relationship; in any sense. Maybe I’m a masochist? Maybe I need a man who will treat like shit, abandon me when I need him most, ignore my girlish emotions in total, take what he wants leaving little for me?
My mom doesn’t like him because she remembers how he forgot my birthday a few years back. My father considers him a ‘taker’ because he never really seemed to give, which is weird for any Arab. Most of the people who know him & I, (at least from my side), say he doesn’t appreciate me enough, doesn’t deserve me. T. from this entry on prisons in the UAE, knows the boy well and he hates him, for how he treats me alongside the fact that when the boy and I are together I’m not allowed to talk to T, or any other guy for that matter.
But all of them believe he’s a descent person at heart. And I know that’s the truth about him.
Twenty minutes later I turned on the mobiles again. There were about six missed call notifications from his best friend and finally a message saying, “I’m sorry to disturb you, but love never dies.”
I replied apologizing and making it pretty clear that I don’t want to talk to or about the boy anymore. And I really don’t, I guess. I’m miserable without him but I know it’ll just be worse eventually, if I take him back again. I don’t trust myself to talk to him anymore at all; not even a message.
Boys are horrible things.
Girls are worse.
Because a part of me believes I will take him back. He just needs to suffer a little more for making me suffer so, and he needs to prove himself with totally that he’s not going to pull this shit again. I don’t know how he’ll accomplish that, though. He’s crawled back and ‘proved’ himself so many times before; perhaps he’s exhausted all his options? Maybe he can’t or won’t, and that’ll be the end of it. It’s a sick sense of punishment I guess.
Yeah I’m still bitter about it. He did walk out on me as we were in the process of moving in together. He did leave me stranded after I quit my job without having another after he convinced me to depend on him; that he’d take care of me. It was only two weeks from my apartment expiry date when he left, leaving me with no options excepting moving back into the zoo I’m at now. He truly fucked me over, and maybe it was too far this time?
I knew he’d be back after the World Cup. And that just pisses me off even more.
Maybe I haven’t got a damn clue what I’m thinking or feeling about any of this, or him?
posted by Tainted Female at
10:48 AM
25 Comments:
Maybe I need a man who will treat like shit, abandon me when I need him most, ignore my girlish emotions in total, take what he wants leaving little for me?
that what encourage men like him to do what he is doing to u.
Many girls i know like that why is that can any one answer?
Love is an abstract concept. No such thing as love. At the basic level it is only a set of chemical reactions.
I say call etisalt and put him on your ignore list
Try not to listen to your heart (much) but (mostly) follow your head. One piece of advice kiddo; just don't get 'fucked-over' all over again, it ain't worth it unless you feel like the following line:
'Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without' Anthony Hopkins to Claire Forlani in Meet Joe Black.
You be good 'T', take care of yourself :-)
You don't need him hon, as you've proved to yourself already - he ditched you before the soccer & now its convenient for him to want you again..............what are you, a friggin toy to be put in & out of a cupboard as his mood dictates? Give over darlin. You're too smart & sassy to let yourself fall again. And if you do, I won't buy you coffee the next time you're in AD!
Ad… I can answer you! Women are stupid, emotional, irrational creatures.
Herlock… You know, my best friend believes the same thing about love. It’s a concept I’ve been contemplating (thanks to him) for a while now. And ETISALAT Ignore list? Is there such a thing?
And Louis… I don’t even know what I believe in anymore. I think I’ll make a damn list: GOOD QUALITIES VS BAD QUALITIES.
(I’m just terrified that the bad will outnumber the good by a long shot.)
Jin, If I told you I already lost (and paid) about $200 USD, to an online friend of mine last year… because when we’d broken up, she argued that I would take him back. I swore I wouldn’t and offered to pay her $20, if it happened again, and every time after if it happened again.
After splitting and getting back together 2 or 3 times, I decided to pay her in advance & sent a necklace her way.
Take a look at the details here
So… If I don’t take him back, you’ll buy me a coffee, huh? I don’t know that this will work!
Babe!
I say the most rational thing to do right now is sit tight and or sleep on it.
Let the anger and hurt pass away and when you're done resenting him at your own leisurely pace see what happens.
I don't think that him apologizing or doing something to show you how sorry he is or that he misses you is in any way a sign that this behaviour will not happen again.
You're at a point where the dymanics of you on the inside are changing and hence your relationship with him.
He will come around and he will say lots of things.
I don't think its time right now to decide with or without him.
It's more a time to get over the hurt by working it out.
He's a jerk and so are many others.
It's human nature and you're a part of it. Nothing wrong in taking him back at any point. It's your decision to make but the sooner you take him back the less likely you are to overcome the hurt or resentment you have towards him.
Just let it ride for now.
He's not going anywhere. Trust me.
Sure, you call etisalat and tell them to block that number from calling you. I do that allt he time with people looking for work who call me 500 times because they got my phone off the net
No way should you go back to this man Tainted. No-one should be made to feel the way he has made you feel. You need to hold out for 'Mr. Right' who does exist somewhere out there.
If you go back to him now, it will always be a one sided partnership. Men like him never change.
Perhaps on the surface he could persuade you otherwise, but after a while, things would only go back to the way they were before.
Hold out for the man that you deserve and who deserves you.
Sounds like he's a taker.
Hold on to that willpower,girl!
It's hard, but ya gotta do it.
Well, one thing is for sure... There is no truer saying than...
Love is blind.
Listen to your fellow bloggers Tainted. You know it makes sense :)
Omeir...
please elaborate 'not in control of yourself or your emotions'.
Your highness....maybe he's really not your king...BUT I think it's ok to remain as friends...that's the sweetest revenge :)
Who is in control of their emotions? Can a person control the way they feel? And how does your explanation mean I’m not in control of myself?
Here's the million dollar question - how many guys have you dated SINCE the boy left you? If the answer is zero, then you aren't thinking straight. I've seen this happen to friends of mine when they break up with a girl. All of a sudden, they shut down - they stop talking to other women, leave alone flirting with em. And that mix of desperation and loneliness never does anyone any good. Now women claim that they like it when a man focuses on a single girl, but the men who get all wound up on ONE girl are the same idiots who end up being stalkers.
If on the other hand, you've been playing the field a little; and you aren't just missing him because you're unemployed and manless - then maybe you are one of those women who like the abusive type - in which case you should squash your little heart and start thinking with your head.
P.S. I mean no offense with the unemployed and manless thing, just trying to make a point.
I do not know the reason for ur split but if ur love for him prospers some where in the depths of ur heart then that reason was not good enough.
@Omeir: It seems as if you believe love is all you need for a relationship to work. It couldn't be further from the truth.
Ahhh, the naivete... I love it.
"Can a person control the way they feel?"
No you cannot, until u realize the consequences of being not in control.
So what you’re saying is, no you can’t control your emotions, but yes you can after you’ve faced the consequences? I’m afraid you’re taking in circles and not making sense.
"And how does your explanation mean I’m not in control of myself?"
B/c the ability to make a decision is not there.
So, being indecisive is the same thing as being out-of-control?
Please stop talking in circles and explain what you meant with that first comment.
Girl!
Let's go for ice cream and chocolate cake on friday to Mina Al Salam and I promise I won't wear heels and you can do that thing where you pull up your feet and sit on the fancy 20k sofa in the hotel lobby like you're at home and we can get all happy and stuff giggling about nothing.
:D
I think you know what to do regarding this without any of our words of wisdom.
Just let it be and enjoy yourself.
Don't think about it.
Those are wise words I heard from a stranger once. *wink*
OK this might sound crazy, but most of our behaviour is "learnt" in our early years of life...our understanding of how relationships work stems from our attachment experiences with our care takers.
Also some people try to solve "unresolved issues"between their parents in their future relationship...maybe that doesn't apply to you Tainted...Whatever the reason...
you describe your self as a pleaser and thats what I gather from your the little you said about the nature of your relationship with this "boy" (interesting choice of word to describe the guy by the way), he is a taker who seems to have taken you for granted cause by now he knows he can, he knows that you will take him back..he knows your weaknesses...and although you seem to realize that, you still want him, a little ambivelant, but leaning to taking him back...and he knows that..its a matter of time.
the whole blog community can tell you not to go back to him, and you know more than they do if you did you will get hurt, but until this pattern becomes ego dystonic (not desired) you will not break the pattern and you will continue to get hurt and fall in the same trap again and again.
You need to protect your self hun,a little selfishness is good here...just think for your self...
The purist form of love by the way is the love of mom to a child...its unconditional...
Thank you all for your kind words and opinions, but I think HL&H has it right. Last night I went through the past two years of my other journal and went over our whole relationship in details. Until I’m truly ready to let this shit go, it’s not going to happen; as much as I know I need to.
Maybe I just need to find a better man. But to do that, I’ve gotta get out of the house and I don’t feel much like doing that these days.
I'm coming to take you out this weekend girl!
Wait for it!
Hanibal& Advents--> submissive, masochistic, normalization of this kind of relationship in a particular society (or family)..dependant personality...or just simply people who don't know that there is better than this relationship in love...all could be potential reasons....
And where is Tainted?
I’m the anon this morning. I didn’t realize I hadn’t logged in. And I’m around. But not in the mood for much today. Sorry guys. I’ll be back to my self soon, I’m sure.
Compromise is a bitch! The question is how much are you (and him) willing to compromise without THINKING you won't be hurt/deceived/seduced? Even if you meet another and supposed 'better' man, it doesn't mean you will be better off at it. Imagine this: if you had a 'giver,' would you give as much or become the 'taker?'
Relationships (especially monogamous ones) in general are overhyped and not made for all personalities. And loving someone is not the same as living with the one you love. Sometimes it takes distance and detachment to realize how much one is in love with the idea of the other; more than the actual person.
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