Pretty Speedy, Aren’t Ya?

Pretty Speedy, Aren’t Ya?

It wasn’t long ago that I was driving from Ajman to Abu Dhabi and back, daily. For those that don’t know, roundtrip it’s approximately 430kms (give or take a few). Sometime nearing the end of my 7-hour-a-day-everyday driving saga, I found myself stopped in the middle of the Abu Dhabi highway heading towards Dubai by an actual police roadblock. The roadblock remained there for three consecutive days.

The first night, I smiled at the officer, opened my trunk as he’d asked and showed him my license and registration before taking off again. As soon as I’d left I called my mom, because I was utterly shocked by the experience; a police roadblock? In the UAE? I must be hallucinating, because in the decade that I’ve been here this is the first! She'd never even heard of such a thing here before. On the second night I asked the officer what the reason for the road block was, and he replied with a huge smile on his face, in one word, “Safety”. On the third, after all the road-check procedures were finished I looked at the police man and said, “So I’ll see you tomorrow then?” He chuckled and I left. Seems as though the officers packed up their cones and portable flashing-lights, got into their 4x4’s and left themselves, because I didn’t see them again.

Possibly just two days later, I remember reading a short note in the papers about a kidnapping for ransom of some diplomat’s child being busted up by police, as the kidnappers attempted to transport the victim from Abu Dhabi to Dubai. I have no idea if the two incidents were related, but I imagine they were.

Since we arrived here, we’ve wondered why the police don’t pullover the people who break traffic laws in front of their eyes, or do random checks with roadblocks for things like license validation. The nature of their work seemed incredibly laid back while on the roads. They have never been anything to fear, even as you illegally weave in and out of traffic with them as your witnesses.

I am not exaggerating when I say in the UAE, you can flash a police car that is driving the speed limit on the road and he will casually move over so that you can speed by. I suppose it’s part of the national driving culture that so many foreigners can’t grasp; the idea that flashing isn’t a bullying insult but rather an indication that there’s someone coming up faster behind you and you’re blocking their way. And honestly, it’s a hell of a lot more dangerous for you to be an arrogant ass, refusing to change lanes, forcing them to speed by you on the right often by weaving in and out of slower driving traffic. So you know, if you’re one of those arrogant fucks that considers flashing a personal insult, so disgustingly rude that you will not move, I think you’re a prick and hope you find someone stuck to the ass of your car every time you leave your house.

Anyway, I was pleased this morning to find this report in 7Days. I’m not sure how accurate it is when it comes to the numbers, but it’s about fucking time the coppers started pulling people over and issuing tickets on the spot. It just leaves me with a few questions, most important of which is:

What are the actual speed limit on these roads? It’s not what the road signs tell you (want to bet?), a Sheikh (head of road and traffic authority at that time), told my father years ago that the legal speed limit is 30km over the posted amount anywhere in the city. A few years ago, they reduced that to 20km before singling out and canceling the lenience in total on the Jumierah beach road alone. Right now, on Abu Dhabi highway the legal speed limit is 160km, though the road signs will tell you anything from 80km/h to 120km/hour.

For those of you who can’t access the archives for Gulf News, I’ve cut a part of the article that was published on 12/24/05, six months after the limits were increased, out here:



There was another article that I’ve failed to find online (I can only assume it was only published in hardcopy), but it was published sometime last year where head of traffic authority said something along the lines of, “Sheikh Zayed and Emirates roads are the most dangerous in the city because the speed limit on these roads is 140km/h."

Well, I’ll be damned! All the signs say 100km/h to 120km/h!

I am an official speedster; or rather, was an official speedster. If you were driving an average of 7 hours a day everyday for more than six months strait, knowing that every minute on the roads is a minute you could be working or sleeping, you’d become one too. As such, I can tell you what the speed limits are on any road in and any place on that road, due to the personal experience of being flashed by radars above certain limits. Hell I can even tell you which radar boxes are in fact empty, without a camera to flash your suddenly-breaking-almost-causing-the-guy-that’s-flashed-you-five-times-for-driving-the-
limit-that’s-posted-in-the-left-lane-to-smash-into-your-inconsiderate-ass.

On Sheikh Zayed road, from Garhoud Bridge to Dusit Dubai, the speed limit is 120km/h, where the signs say it’s 100km/h. Heading out from there towards Internet City, the limit is 140km/h, though the sign says 120km/h. It stays at 140km/h, until you reach the white line of the road, telling you you’re in Abu Dhabi, where the signs say 120km/h but it’s actually 160km/h as you can verify for yourselves with the article above.

So, what are the limits the coppers are calling speeding? Someone care to guess? Any of you get a ticket and want to share that experience? My bet is it’ll be something like the ticket I got for exceeding the legal tint amount, while I entered Internet City.

Take into consideration the next time you’re driving the posted limit on Sheikh Zayed road and someone driving 20km/h faster than you, flashes you from behind and you curse their ignorance of the law and arrogantly refuse to budge, they’re also cursing your ignorance of local speed limits; because hell, you’re both right!