Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Not really surprised

Misdiagnosed in Dubai, is not really a surprise. UAE does not have much when it comes to a psychiatric health industry and I got to learn that the hard way; from the hospitals literally running out of drugs mid-patients courses, to them over and under prescribing in seemingly-lethal combinations that often made me feel worse than better, or switching psychiatrists each and every time you go for an appointment so there is no real history of your condition or progress, other than a medical chart showing which meds you have been prescribed and which ones you have not. I pity the psychologically ill in the UAE.

What did surprise me was the fact that I did not reduce myself to tears at meeting this man. I was able to smile a little and laugh at his sarcasm when he mentioned the real chance I was given, as he took the brief of my history down into his notes. With no real role models, alcoholism, 4 fathers (3 of which abusive) and 2 mothers, sexual molestation, haunting me as I moved to the plastic city, I walked right into the nasty relationships with men, the abuse, further sexual assault, addictions, and so much more without even realizing it – I was never really given a chance. And though, I started to cry a little as he asked me what I really felt of myself, he was able to help me crack a smile again quick, when he questioned whether or not my mascara was waterproof. He was a decent older man; the type you can trust has the experience he has behind him simply by looking at his frail old body and silver hair.

Rather than having Bipolar tendencies as diagnosed in the UAE, I in fact have severe tendencies that signify two almost sister diagnoses, Clinical Depression and Borderline Personality Disorder. After reading up on both of these, they make a lot more sense and paint a far more accurate picture of what I am really going through and feeling.

I can not say that one hour with a sincere, educated, experienced Dr, who has already gone out of his way to help check my medical status and help me find a proper GP, let alone make me feel comfortable when talking to him, has induced any improvement; I do have a lot of hope in the medications he prescribed as well as the help he will offer me through future appointments. And I guess increased hope and positive thoughts can only do a person like me any good.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry to hear this TF; I never thought it was this severe. But look on the bright side; Marilyn Monroe had a borderline personality disorder, and yet she came an icon for the past century!

Am I talking to this century's icon? ;-)

Plus, I REALLY think that being "ordinary" is overrated. Who's ordinary or normal anyway?

1:08 AM, November 08, 2007  
Blogger Tainted Female said...

Hey hun... Its been a while since I spoke to you. I do hope you are wonderful.

Yeah, the way I figure it is at least I know why I am the bitch that I am, why I am so sucessful at making enemies, etc... :p

It is all under control. Coming home to Canada was the best thing I could do for myself, my son, and all those I love. Now that I am getting the care I need, its starting to get better - even if its just a little at a time.

I am still full of hope, and I am sure I will be right up until I am all better!

And yeah... Ordinary people are boring. I will second that!

2:33 AM, November 08, 2007  
Blogger Seabee said...

You can't even begin to deal with a problem unless you can identify it. Now that you have someone who's done that you'll be able to get on top of it. I hope that's real soon.

1:52 PM, November 11, 2007  
Blogger Tainted Female said...

Thank you much Seabea... Slowly, its starting to look up around here.


9:05 PM, November 13, 2007  

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