To Abandon A Child

Years ago, I remember being told about a girlfriend of mine who picked up one day, dropped her 5-year-old daughter at her daddy’s house and proceeded to travel across Canada without her baby. For a long time I passed judgment, wondering how cold a parent could be to leave their child like that. For a long time I wanted to believe myself better than her – because at that time, even childless, I couldn’t conceive of the idea of leaving my baby. Bet your ass, I’m seeing things differently now.

Earlier today, some anonymous dipshit questioned what kind of mother ‘abandons’ her child, telling me I was a disgrace to all parents because I had to get the hell outta UAE. My bet is that comment comes from someone who doesn’t have kids, which in my opinion means they themselves aren’t fully matured. Your eyes don’t really open until you’ve mothered or fathered a child. Ask any mama. My bet is, that person isn’t only childless, but probably doesn’t consider all the other mama’s who move into the UAE without their children to make an income. My bet is, that anonymous retard knows nothing about real-life adult decisions and will one day, come to a realization just like the one I’ve come to about the old friend I mentioned above.

Now, after returning from a good friend of mines, baby’s first birthday party; where children and toddlers were running a muck making my heart ache to be with my own baby, I’ll respond to that.

What kind of mother abandons her baby? The answer’s a simple one: A really, really shitty one.

I did not abandon my baby boy. In fact, I stayed in the UAE for years longer than I should have just to be with him, in a country I believe far better for raising children than the one I’m from, but far worse for plastic people than the one I’m in now. I bought an apartment in the UAE so that I always had a home there. I fought against every demon – those real and those my mind conceived to stay there for as long as humanly possible.

I left fighting an internal struggle like no other, even as I stepped on the plane. But I knew then, just as I know now that it was; get the fuck out, kill myself, or kill someone else.

In my books a sane mama is far better than an insane mama, even if she is far away; a living mother better than one who is dead; and a healing mama is better than one who is incarcerated for murder or some other heinous crime.

As much as I’d love to have my baby boy here with me, it’d be selfish of me to even ask. And yeah, I can be selfish enough to consider it. It’d have been nice to have him at the birthday party today – he’d have enjoyed it, especially because I gave my friend’s baby boy a duplicate of one of my sons favorite toys. I know his life in Dubai is far safer, healthier and more sturdy than it could ever be here. I know he needs his daddy just as much as he does his mommy, and I’d be incredibly selfish to take that away from him. I also know that I was doing a shitty job as a mama while I was there – depressed and isolating myself.

My son’s mama is still there for him. He can pick up a phone and call me any time. And when he’s not calling me, I’m calling him. I could be on a plane in a second if I were really needed. His daddy has been invited to come out here with him so that we can spend some family time together. I will go back to him – as soon as I’m emotionally, psychically, and psychologically able.

When you abandon something, you:

1. to leave completely and finally; forsake utterly; desert: to abandon one's farm; to abandon a child; to abandon a sinking ship.
2. to give up; discontinue; withdraw from: to abandon a research project; to abandon hopes for a stage career.
3. to give up the control of: to abandon a city to an enemy army.
4. to yield (oneself) without restraint or moderation; give (oneself) over to natural impulses, usually without self-control: to abandon oneself to grief.
5. Law. to cast away, leave, or desert, as property or a child.
6. Insurance. to relinquish (insured property) to the underwriter in case of partial loss, thus enabling the insured to claim a total loss.
7. Obsolete. to banish.

~*From Dictionary.com

I’m still very much a part of my child’s life. I did not abandon him. And I would not.

And for the anon who said my ex husband was fucked over, clearly you’re not a daddy. If you are, you're a shitty one - just like the woman who truly abandons her child. Cause my baby’s daddy wants what’s best for both his child and his child’s mama. And he knows all too well that I’ve made the best decision possible for all of us under the current circumstances. And he’s more than happy to take day-to-day care of his baby boy.