Saturday, March 18, 2006

Where did all the good men go?

I was reading another Blog around here (I would link it, but I just haven’t learned how yet), it was written by a male UAE national. He believes that women shouldn’t be offered jobs, and all of us should stay at home and cook & clean.

Being a Westerner who’s sick and tired of the equal-sex bullshit implemented first by the west but now making its way to Arabia, I agree with him… to a certain extent.

You see, I’m a dependant girl. I’d give nothing to have a man to love me, take care of me, go out and work all day and leave me at home to cook & clean, make babies and feed all of his fetishes and most secret desires. But unfortunately, there just aren’t enough men out there who know the value of a woman like that.

I have a good job and I make enough money to take care of myself. But I hate to do it, and wonder how long I can keep it up. It drives me nuts to know I have to go home to a messy house, because I haven’t had the time to tidy it.

I’m not bad looking at all; I’m not fat, manly, or even old. I’m divorced (because I chose to leave him) and I have a three year old son. I’m funny, I’m emotional, I’m brutally honest, and people tend to like me, in general.

I’ve been proposed to many times, before marriage and once after. But there’s always something missing. I’m a wonderful woman and I know it. Married guys seem to know it, as they’re always the ones I’m turning down & refusing to speak to. But the single, decent guys who actually want to take care of the woman who would give her all to take care of them seem to be on some other planet.

I’ll give my heart, body, and soul to the right man. But in return I expect enough respect to keep the relationship honest, enough devotion to keep my man from wandering, enough attention to keep me from getting bored, enough communication to insure understanding, and enough money to insure comfort & security.

I’m not asking for too much, I’m sure. But where are the men who see this?

I was once proposed to by a really good friend of mine; who’s still around for business associations today. He was UAE national, and his only condition was that I allowed him to take a second wife; a local as well. He offered to put me in a house, take care of my bills, and be there to support me financially. I refused. Because money like that isn’t worth the cost of my heart suffering the jealousy of knowing I have to share. I’m just not capable of it.

He married a national a while later. He’s now got a beautiful, Mashalla, baby boy. But on more than one occasion he’s told me he made a mistake when he proposed. And this isn’t an insult to national women; it’s an insult to those who can’t see my worth. He believes from his core now, that I would have been more than enough and a lot easier to spend the rest of his life with.

If we could turn back time, there are a lot of things we’d change. But turning back time won’t bring the good men back, it seems they’ll always be blind until it’s too late.

Here’s to Balushi, who wrote that he thinks women shouldn’t work. I agree with you, but find each of us women good men who will take care of us so that we don’t have to wear ourselves thin, before you start petitioning the government to enforce such a law.


Blogger Balushi said...

Nice Post!

I know some women who works in the offices are Now divorced! and many working wives have secret boyfriends from office and business contacts.

i am a man who is willing to stay home,cook, diaper the baby, and do all the chores!!! - Is there any working women out there to marry me?????


Then why is women wants to be in mans shoes when they are NOT willing to be Men?????????????


5:45 PM, March 18, 2006  
Blogger archer14 said...

Well if you've noticed... women like men who aren't nice. In fact it goes the other way around. The one who acts macho, is a certified MCP to the core and has flings at the drop of a hat - is the forbidden fruit. He's the guy who gets all the ladies. In fact, count yourself lucky to be one of the few women around with a good heart. You sound like someone who values a relationship rather than value it on a materialistic basis.
And I think you're being very unrealistic when you say you'd give your heart and soul to the right man. There isn't a right man. The 'right' man has transformed hismself, just as the 'right' woman has.

And Balushi, have you ever thought that you could be a homosexual?. No offence man, but your misogynistic blog sure sounds like someone spurned at the hands of a witch. You just can't keep pace with the times. Women are all around you, and you will be crushed at the feet of one, that is if your witch doesn't decide to come back to give you a second thrashing.

8:07 PM, March 18, 2006  
Blogger secretdubai said...

The issue I have is that it needs to be about choice.

Not every woman wants to housewife as a career.

That's why I find it uncomfortable that you would agree with him, as it denies other women their choice - just as it would deny you your choice to force you to get a job and put your child/ren in childcare.

I don't understand how anyone could be "sick and tired" of anything attempting to give people equality and equal rights, whether regarding sex, race, religion, age, ethnicity - whatever. I find it extremely disturbing one could feel so negatively towards something like this - regardless of whether you don't want to take advantage of it yourself.

12:13 AM, March 19, 2006  
Blogger Hot Lemon& Honey said...

Gender equality is over rated..and I believe it served men more than women..
To an extent I agree with you tainted...these days its rare for women to find a man who is willing for her to stay at home at her wish and take care of her in a way that she doesnt feel she needs to work inorder to have a more comfortable life. Those men died long men want a wife who has income...
I hope you find your match, and keep on looking until you do..and just watch out for those men in AD...they can smell vulnerability...

9:02 AM, March 19, 2006  
Blogger Balushi said...

Many men i know are really happy to have women around in work and business! Becoz its very easy to pick up someone for sex.

Imgaine if all the sheep were under a sheperd care???

what will the wolf do?!

Tainted female, I hope you have read my entry "Women behind the sexcess of every men"

9:15 AM, March 19, 2006  
Blogger moryarti said...

Good post .. though, i am seeing more local woman today who are getting out of the 'high maintenance housewife' cocoon and stepping into the professional work force arena - a zone that used to be male-dominant..

9:55 AM, March 19, 2006  
Blogger Tainted Female said...

Secret Dubai…

I spent half my life in Canada and the other half here in the UAE. I spend a HUGE percentage of my time associating with American’s at another community site, Do you know what’s happened in the west to those equal rights?

Women are now seen as wasted space if they’re not ‘contributing to society’ in some big office, rather than raising their children and taking care of their homes. It’s no longer a choice, because it’s gone too far. Now, it’s our responsibility to work outside the home. There is rarely such a thing as a ‘single’ income house, and children are raised by daycares (whether the mother’s want it or not). Men are living off the women, and it’s far more common than you’d think.

‘Equal Rights’ was pushed too far, by too many the whole western society is even more corrupt than it was before this struggle.

Bottom line, men and women are very different physically, emotionally, and mentally.

I manage a company. If I hire women I know that I must allow them maternity leave if they get pregnant. That maternity leave is no more than 2 months. It is 2 months my company loses in salary, efficiency and proficiency. On the other hand, is 2 months enough time for a mother to wean her baby of breast milk? Is child-mother bonding complete? Is that child independent enough to be away from his/her mother eight hours a day, when she legally must go back to work? No one wins here. It’s not fair to either. The only ‘fair’ solution, working women shouldn’t have children, but now we’re just denying our God-Given rights and responsibilities; have MUSLIM children.

I’m sorry, but I think doing a good job at what we’re physically & mentally capable of is far better than doing a half-assed job at work, in the home and for society.

When a man can carry a baby, I’ll see your point.

1:44 PM, March 19, 2006  
Blogger Balushi said...

Wow! You stumped secy there!!!!

Tainted Female I am very Impressed with your knowledge and understanding of things in all perspective!!!

1:54 PM, March 19, 2006  
Blogger Tainted Female said...


I saw your point in a few of your entries, but really… Either you’re very, very young; or very, very sheltered & shallow; or very, very disturbed.

04-3444010 Musteshfa AlAmal – I’m sure you’ll find some comfort or contentment if you just give this number a call and arrange an appointment for yourself.

Don’t be scared… I’ve been there myself.


Yes, more and more local women are finding careers for themselves. My local brother in law divorced his working wife last year, and vowed to never marry a working woman again, because she simply wasn’t able to be the wife he needed; didn’t want children because it would interfere with work, couldn’t cook because was always at work, and couldn’t manage money because she figured what she made was hers and what he made was hers. And lets not even start about how SHE admitted to being too tired and exhausted to take care of her husband’s sexual needs.

A very good local friend of mine has two sisters reaching their thirties who refuse to get married because they are ‘capable’ of taking care of themselves. However they’re both making his life hell because as the eldest brother, he’s their designated driver & chauffer when it comes to them going out. He can’t get married himself because the responsibilities his unmarried sisters place over him is so much he doesn’t have the time to even think about it, and God-Forbid he move out of the house. Who would take care of the ‘working’ sisters then?

Ahh, none of these working women have children by the way. And it’s physically less likely for a woman to get pregnant after she reaches 30 years old. A good way to help decrease percentage of local’s in UAE. Send the local women to work!

Hot Lemon & Honey,

I love the handle, first of all! Second, how ironic that you state such a thing, now? Just last night some AD boy was shouting his phone number at me across lanes of traffic, while I was on my way home.

Boys just aren’t like that in Dubai anymore. I suppose that’s one good thing about women being seen closer to equals now…

2:04 PM, March 19, 2006  
Blogger Balushi said...

i just covered a story regarding this in my blog!!!

2:28 PM, March 19, 2006  
Blogger hannibal said...

interesting blog !

you seem very world weary TF. and you're still only 25.

as someone says equal rights is over-rated.. men and women are different.. in all aspects...

as for no attention to him or his rants. he's like a bad smell, comes and goes , a bit distasteful, but never harmful

2:56 PM, March 19, 2006  
Blogger secretdubai said...

I’m sorry, but I think doing a good job at what we’re physically & mentally capable of is far better than doing a half-assed job at work, in the home and for society.

No one would disagree with that.

But equal rights is still a good thing. Women should have the same access to the workplace as men, if they want to work.

The fact that child rearing is devalued is a separate issue. It may be an unfortunately consequence of the equality movement, but it does not mean that movement is wrong. It just means there is more work to do.

I simply do not think it is possible to push "equal rights" too far. There are a few, rare exceptions where it should be ok to discriminate in employment based on gender (or race or age) - such as acting and modelling, or hiring a women's rape counsellor, or needing an able bodied person to at as the carer of a non-able bodied person, or perhaps a black person to act as role model to disadvantaged black children, etc. Other than that, all jobs should be open to all people.

Note that I don't necessarily support quotas. It's likely there will always be more men wanting to join the army than women. It's possible that there will always be more women attracted to nursing careers. It doesn't matter. The importance is choice, and equal respect for and treatment of employees regardless of gender.

Now, it’s our responsibility to work outside the home.

If you don't have children, and you are not some form of carer, and you are not in studies, and you don't have a disability that hampers your ability to work, then yes - I think is is everyone's responsibility to work for a living. I don't have any respect for "kept people" of either gender.

Some expats - mainly wives, but sometimes husbands - have to sacrifice their careers at least for a time to follow their spouse on an overseas posting. This is a different matter.

Do note that the 1950s housewife is very largely a myth, designed to get women out of the workplace when men returned from war. The majority of women - particularly poorer women - have ALWAYS worked. They worked in the fields, they charred for richer families, they took in laundry, they looked after other people's children enabling them to work, and so on. Even richer women did a lot of unpaid social work, community work and charity work.

The whole corporate-wife-hausfrau thing who cooks nice dinner parties and plays tennis is a very recent, very unpleasant creation.

9:17 PM, March 19, 2006  

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