Dubai: Economy Not Going To Collapse

You heard it here first.

Over the past week, I’ve been tapping into my psychic powers, to determine what exactly is going to happen to the UAE economy in the near future. Take careful note of my disclaimer, before you read my predictions:

I am not a psychic. I have done little to no research on this topic. There is absolutely no reason why anyone should take my predictions seriously, unless they know something about my imaginative brain powers that I myself, do not know. The following is no more than my tainted thoughts about the future of the UAE. If you choose to follow advice or direction from this entry and evidently suffer huge losses to yourself or your loved ones, I take no responsibility. However; if you choose to take my advice as a given and receive psychological, financial or emotional gains, I am entitled to 50%. This is a non-negotiable fee, and failure to comply will result in legal action. Further more, I am not sophisticated enough to know who took what from my blog, or which actions were a result of this entry, thus if you’re smart enough not tell me you made billions in response to this, you can get away scott-free. Most important of all, you must realize that I am fully talking out of my ass.

Prediction 1:

The economy of Dubai is not going to collapse. Rents and other everyday expenses will not decrease, and though eventually there will be a lesser gap in the personal income verses outcome; it will not be while you complainers are still around.

In less than thirty years, Dubai is going to become the Beverly Hills of the Middle East; the hot-spot for the Rich & Famous world wide, to not only vacation but also own a summer (or winter) home. She will let go of her slogan, “The City that Cares”, and take on the more prestigious, “The City of Elite”.

There will be no room for middle or poor class here. All of us, who fall into these categories now and fail to do something about it, will be banished from the great lands; and there will be nothing we can do to prevent it.

Advice: If you are one of the masses digging into your savings accounts to survive here, hoping that soon things will stable and you will once again able to increase those savings through hard work, lacking taxes, & expatriate benefits, GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE NOW. Because Dubai will swallow all that extra money she’s given you in the past, before finally giving you no choice but to pack up and head back home (after of course, you’ve competed her sparkling finish), empty handed.

Prediction 2:

Due to the stable massive income the international wealthy folk will pour into the Emirates, the UAE dirham will value more than the US Dollar, and will compete with the ever strengthening for some time Euro; before becoming the worlds most recognized currency.

Advice: For all of you with off-shore accounts (or even a stash of cash in an old shoe box under the bed) in US dollars; swiftly convert all Dollars to Euros before it’s too late.

Prediction 3:

Dubai’s media industry will boom, out-shining the entertainment industry of the United States; creating international award winners surpassing the glory of the era for the US.

No longer will you find conveniently placed Islamic symbols, or hear the Athaan in the middle of a torture scene taking place in some heart-heartbreaking story; indirectly, subconsciously verifying the pseudo-generalization that all Muslims are evil, blood-sucking terrorists. Instead, you’ll find the international masses being left with a taste for Arabic culture in their mouths after each and ever new film.

Advice: Just wait and see. There’s nothing you, or the US can do to prevent this.

Prediction 4:

After the completion of the city that glows and as the majority of the labor force is being shipped out, construction on a ‘top secret’ government establishment will commence. This will be the most sophisticated, most glamorous, most superbly constructed building in the UAE; though very few will learn of its solitary existence; hidden underground in the depths of the dunes between the Emirates & Saudi Arabia.

This Top Secret Establishment will house only the world’s finest scientists & inventors, and mathematicians. The work in-between these secret walls will surface only to make the UAE the world’s one and only true Super Power.

The US will be at our mercy, as their economy will have long since crashed. And as this is the better government, we will show mercy to all those who have caused indescribable pain & suffering to this side of the world, through countless years of unwarranted torture.

Advice: If you are President Bush, or any future president of the United States; if you have any hand in politics within the US, Israel of any of their closest alleys; start your ass-kissing now. One day, you & your country will be at the weaker and of the stick; and you will ask for the Muslims help.