Everlasting Love?

We were sitting in the lineup for the ferries the other day, discussing the intricacies of love. Personally, I don’t believe in eternal love. I believe you meet someone and a chemical reaction takes place in both your bodies and minds. Eventually, these chemicals will fade, making attraction, all physical, emotional, and psychological, towards one another harder to experience. I believe eventually love dies and all that’s left is work.

I had made my argument in response to his, that many people claim their love for one-another until the day they die. And just as I was summing my beliefs up stating that I know no one that feels that way, I saw out the car window a very old man walk a few steps ahead of a very old woman that was just moments before at his side, then stop, take a bougainvillea in his hands, smell it, before gently pushing the flower to her face for her to smell. If that’s not love, I don’t know what love is.

“Awwe,” I said, “That’s so cute! He’s stopped to smell the flowers with her!”

My whole argument was lost when he replied, “How long do you think they’ve been together?”

I believe I may be wrong about love.

You have…

Never vented a frustration; never spoken your mind without fear of repercussions. You have never felt love and hate simultaneously. You’ve never been wrong, not once in your life. You’ve never made a mistake. You’ve never had to apologize, because you’ve never hurt another person.

You need not see beyond the obvious. Your thoughts are always logically, perfectly sensible. Never have you changed your mind about how you feel, what you think, or who you judge. You don’t even stutter.

Perfection. Utter perfection. And thus, you have the only right there is to judge others based on their obvious faults.

You cannot forgive, because a person of such perfection can only ever accept perfection from those they know – and not a soul on this planet can compare to your supremacy.

I’m so glad I’m not you.

~*~

More things I’ve done since leaving UAE:

~*Rolled down a big grass hill, just for the hell of it.
~*Played on swings, in the rain.
~*Visited my very first elementary school, where the entire jungle gym looks much smaller, far shorter than I remember it.
~*Tipped rocks on the beach, searching for crabs.
~*Handed a homeless man a cigarette.
~*Broke a shoe, then threw the pair out in a public trash can. Then went on a ferry-ride, and walked the rest of the day barefoot along the boardwalk. Got a few little cuts on my feet, but it was worth it!
~*Worn runners & socks!

Iranians verses Arabs...

Always makes me smile!

To Abandon A Child

Years ago, I remember being told about a girlfriend of mine who picked up one day, dropped her 5-year-old daughter at her daddy’s house and proceeded to travel across Canada without her baby. For a long time I passed judgment, wondering how cold a parent could be to leave their child like that. For a long time I wanted to believe myself better than her – because at that time, even childless, I couldn’t conceive of the idea of leaving my baby. Bet your ass, I’m seeing things differently now.

Earlier today, some anonymous dipshit questioned what kind of mother ‘abandons’ her child, telling me I was a disgrace to all parents because I had to get the hell outta UAE. My bet is that comment comes from someone who doesn’t have kids, which in my opinion means they themselves aren’t fully matured. Your eyes don’t really open until you’ve mothered or fathered a child. Ask any mama. My bet is, that person isn’t only childless, but probably doesn’t consider all the other mama’s who move into the UAE without their children to make an income. My bet is, that anonymous retard knows nothing about real-life adult decisions and will one day, come to a realization just like the one I’ve come to about the old friend I mentioned above.

Now, after returning from a good friend of mines, baby’s first birthday party; where children and toddlers were running a muck making my heart ache to be with my own baby, I’ll respond to that.

What kind of mother abandons her baby? The answer’s a simple one: A really, really shitty one.

I did not abandon my baby boy. In fact, I stayed in the UAE for years longer than I should have just to be with him, in a country I believe far better for raising children than the one I’m from, but far worse for plastic people than the one I’m in now. I bought an apartment in the UAE so that I always had a home there. I fought against every demon – those real and those my mind conceived to stay there for as long as humanly possible.

I left fighting an internal struggle like no other, even as I stepped on the plane. But I knew then, just as I know now that it was; get the fuck out, kill myself, or kill someone else.

In my books a sane mama is far better than an insane mama, even if she is far away; a living mother better than one who is dead; and a healing mama is better than one who is incarcerated for murder or some other heinous crime.

As much as I’d love to have my baby boy here with me, it’d be selfish of me to even ask. And yeah, I can be selfish enough to consider it. It’d have been nice to have him at the birthday party today – he’d have enjoyed it, especially because I gave my friend’s baby boy a duplicate of one of my sons favorite toys. I know his life in Dubai is far safer, healthier and more sturdy than it could ever be here. I know he needs his daddy just as much as he does his mommy, and I’d be incredibly selfish to take that away from him. I also know that I was doing a shitty job as a mama while I was there – depressed and isolating myself.

My son’s mama is still there for him. He can pick up a phone and call me any time. And when he’s not calling me, I’m calling him. I could be on a plane in a second if I were really needed. His daddy has been invited to come out here with him so that we can spend some family time together. I will go back to him – as soon as I’m emotionally, psychically, and psychologically able.

When you abandon something, you:

1. to leave completely and finally; forsake utterly; desert: to abandon one's farm; to abandon a child; to abandon a sinking ship.
2. to give up; discontinue; withdraw from: to abandon a research project; to abandon hopes for a stage career.
3. to give up the control of: to abandon a city to an enemy army.
4. to yield (oneself) without restraint or moderation; give (oneself) over to natural impulses, usually without self-control: to abandon oneself to grief.
5. Law. to cast away, leave, or desert, as property or a child.
6. Insurance. to relinquish (insured property) to the underwriter in case of partial loss, thus enabling the insured to claim a total loss.
7. Obsolete. to banish.

~*From Dictionary.com

I’m still very much a part of my child’s life. I did not abandon him. And I would not.

And for the anon who said my ex husband was fucked over, clearly you’re not a daddy. If you are, you're a shitty one - just like the woman who truly abandons her child. Cause my baby’s daddy wants what’s best for both his child and his child’s mama. And he knows all too well that I’ve made the best decision possible for all of us under the current circumstances. And he’s more than happy to take day-to-day care of his baby boy.

Sam Replied…

…so I should curl up under a rock somewhere and allow myself to rot away – because we all know every accusation the child made about me was accurate in every single way and the entire planet feels exactly the same about me as he does.

But instead, I think I’m going shopping for my friend’s baby. It’s his first birthday party today, and we’re having a baby party.

Starts singing, ”I don’t wanna grow up, I’m a Toys R Us kid, there’s a million toys at Toys R Us that I can play with!”

You know the marketing is good, when twelve years have passed and the same jingle from some ancient commercial still gets stuck in your head!

Half Way Between a Beer & Happiness…

…is where I fit in.

Does that make my spot a good one or a bad one, I wonder?

Oops…

Did I just do that famous Tainted thing… where I attack someone seemingly unwarranted and out of the blue to make you all build just a little more animosity towards me?

What do I care? The majority of you are all fake anyways!

Attack me here please… The last post is reserved for Samuraisam, if if he decides to comment.

Why Samuraisam is an Immature, Egotistical, 2-Faced, Little B!tch

Alright, it’s about time for me to bitch again. And once again, my bitch is going to be about a World Famous (at least he likes to think so) Blogger.

Funny thing about this is I don’t even know where to start this one. You see, once upon a time, I cared about this pathetic little boy who has more emotional and psychological issues than any of you could assume and I could possibly fathom. I shit you not, his issues make mine look like a picnic! I even brought the little dick into my home, where he dug through my dirty laundry (literally) and sniffed my panties – and then confessed the same to me in guilty tears.

Call me a bitch for outing him, but he sure as fuck deserves this. It’s been a long time coming.

I’m sure many of you remember Sam and his attack on me, on my OWN blog, where I sat silently allowing him to tear me apart piece by piece and never said a REAL word in defense. I’m sure many of you also remember the same little fuck going through my blog and deleting everything he ever said that was offensive towards me – all by himself. And I’m sure just as many of you remember me never explaining what happened behind the scenes to make this macho-blogger literally take back everything he said.

Well guess what Sam, you’ve had more than enough time to explain yourself to me, and more than enough opportunity to apologize and instead of doing so, you choose to continue to piss me off.

Just why did you delete Babe UAE’s post in the community café? Could it be because she borrowed a few words from me, and it was the one post I decided to comment on in your world famous community blog? Could it be, you disagreed with everything she said, which pretty much only mirrored what I have already said here? She said nothing in that post that could harm your ‘community’. She said nothing that could have you banned. She made an observation, one that I’m sure many who have been there for long enough can relate to.

Could it be that just as I do you, you still hold a deep resentment for me? The only real difference is, there’s no secret as to why I resent you. You sold me out. Why you resent me is still a fucking mystery – despite the stories you’ve told others. Once upon a time, you did confess your love for me, didn’t you? It’s a thin line, isn’t it?

Sam removed all the shit he said about me, because I sent him an email promising him if he didn’t, I would respond to every single accusation he ever made, with FACTS and evidence far more incriminating towards him than his attack on me could have ever been. When people asked what happened, why we were no longer cool, he told them I blackmailed him. Sorry hun, it wasn’t blackmail. It was a promise to respond if you didn’t stop your unwarranted, unexplained, completely psychotic attack on me – which I believe occurred before I even mentioned that I could destroy your ‘blogging rep’ – which is all you really had before returning home, wasn’t it? Still got the screen shots Sam – of what you truly feel about the UAE nationals (your WHOLE site) along with a few other tidbits from emails, or msn chats we’ve had that would make people from NZM to MD shake their heads…

Samuraisam, now’s your chance to explain yourself about deleting that one entry by Babe UAE, and why you fucked me over the way you did. I, more than anyone else, would LOVE to know what I ever did to you, prior to this post. Perhaps if you explain I’ll understand, possibly even forgive… But if you choose to ignore or attack, you’ll always have an enemy right here. And that’s a game we both know you can’t play.

Such a pity too, cause I swear to God, I loved you as a brother once. But we all know how you’re going to react to this, don’t we?

I quit…

I quit my job this morning. It’s GOOD to be in a place where I can do that, and not think for a moment about a potential six month ban! It’s GREAT to taste freedom in every decision I make.

UAE could learn a lot from that.