Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Etisalat: LOVE of my Life; Foreshadow of my Future

Oops, you’re confused again.

This isn’t a copy and paste from today’s newspaper articles about Etisalat possibly launching internet telephony, or cutting international call rates again, or even the potential of a new fixed mobile convergence.

This also isn’t another duplicate complaint consisting of the common rants and raves concerning Etisalat’s proxy, their inadequate but highly priced internet services, or even the general incompetence of their employees. And I’m not going to go on about more paranoid, personal beliefs, like the fact that we’re all being spied on by the big telecommunications monopoly; since the customer service guy who answered my call last night, told me exactly what mobile and model I had, and continued to tell me he could get the same information for any mobile number in the UAE.

The truth be told, I think Etisalat does a pretty good damn job, considering they’re a monopoly, and well, I’ve been here long enough to remember what a real pain-in-the-ass dealing with this monopoly could be like if they didn’t sincerely give a shit.

With that being said, Tainted will continue to tell you a little about Etisalat in her life.

I’m special. I have special things to share with you. You see, I have a long history with Etisalat, both in dealing with them (as everyone in the emirates must, eventually) professionally, and knowing many of them personally.

Now, I remember the good old days, when walking into Etisalat to pay a phone bill was the most tedious task one could muster. I remember the ditsy women behind the counter talking on their mobiles, while giggling with the boys behind them, before getting up and walking away, in complete ignorance to the hundreds of customers waiting in line for service; waiting to give this company money. This of course, was before the technology of internet payments, or payment machines. But the tellers of yesteryears are nothing to what my ex husband once a encountered.

Sometime during my pregnancy, he went to apply for some service, while I was at home. Service is certainly what he got. Gone was the mobile phone from Etisalat teller’s ear and the flattered boy behind her to take away her attention. In place was a nice big bowl of chocolate.

“Take a chocolate,” the woman told him, as she prepared his forms. My ex, not wanting to insult her, reluctantly took a chocolate and ate it. Soon enough the woman made another invitation, “Take another chocolate.” My ex, not a big fan of chocolate politely refused. The woman insisted, “You must. I am celebrating.” Without further protest or enquiry, he took and ate the second chocolate. As soon as he’d finished swallowing she pushed the bowl towards him, “A third, please?” He refused again. “You can even take it home with you, if you want. But the number must be three.”

My ex didn’t know what to say so he simply sat dumbfounded. After a moment, she pushed the bowl even further, “Today, my husband divorced me… for the third time. You must celebrate with me.”

My husband came home and told me the story. I laughed a little, pondered it a little, and even judged the woman pretty poorly. ’How immature can she get? What the hell is wrong with her? Not even divorced a day, and already hitting on other men! And in the workplace!’

Today, I see it as somewhat of a possible foreshadow. I celebrated the fact that I was legally considered divorced three times just over a year ago. I made people celebrate with me.

I suppose it goes to show we’re all pretty judgmental, in nature; even considering things and people we know little or nothing about.

When it comes to Etisalat, I know very little about the services, less about the technology, but the truth be told, I’ve got countless pleasant, heart-touching, and kind stories about or surrounding the employees. I know a few of them personally. Some of them, I’ve known for years. Others are customers of mine; or people I’ve otherwise met professionally. I know of so many advances Etisalat attempts to make for the sake of their customers and with the aim of being a true telecommunications leader at international standards.

My complaints about their general services go direct to most of them, most of the time; and even the highest managers there, seem to take them with sincere interest. A few of them have even been directed to your blogs, and the commenting or complaints you’ve all made.

But I’ve got one little quirk I’m going to share publicly and I don’t believe anyone in the blogging scene has touched this exact topic before.

And since I’m sure of at least ONE Etisalat employee, who is now keeping up with my blog, I have to make a little side comment first; You know I’ve already said it to your face and you couldn’t give a solid answer so now, lets see if you can do so in writing.

Etisalat is an expert at more than telecommunications; or so my sixth sense tells me. Each and every student who graduates from the Etisalat College will at one time or another, during the course of a discussion concerning any aspect Etisalat, must state, “Etisalat is the future”. Without fail and without realizing that even the tone they all say it in is uniform, this sentence must be said. This only proves to a tainted mind that each and every one of them has been severely brainwashed.

Now, I’m not saying that’s a bad thing; just that I want to learn the technique. And I know you guys are just keeping it from me, because you know I’d have the power to rule the world and you’d all be at my mercy if only I brushed up on that one, little brainwashing skill. So come on, out with it. I promise, the last thing I aim to do is preside over a competing telecommunications corporation! You’ll still be the monopoly, you have my word!


Blogger black feline said...

Your highness...Im using skype to make free online international calls (PC to PC only)...and also using call back system at a local internet cafe runs by mainland chinese...10 dhm for 2 and the half hr talk time...reception ok. But i think the call back system is banned in UAE..for the moment.
By the way, the chocolat tale is so erotic...mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...very nice!

5:32 PM, May 23, 2006  
Blogger Tainted Female said...

feline... F! As in, you failed. Your tips on skype have taught me nothing about the technique of brainwashing. You fail. Period. No you may not take the test again.

And Skype is banned in the UAE.

Even though you knew that.. you still fail. Because that has nothing to do with my question. Fail. Faillllllled. YOU faiiiiiiilllllllld.

5:55 PM, May 23, 2006  
Blogger samuraisam said...

I don't know what I can say about Etisalat that I haven't said before

6:12 PM, May 23, 2006  
Blogger black feline said...

relax my queen...just took several sips while inspecting (stock check) your cellar..ok repeat after me all of u "TAINTED FEMALE IS THE QUEEN OF THE UNIVERSE"..do it 3 times a day for the next 3 mths otherwise your HEAD...will roll!!!!!!!! (im dozing off now..a bit tipsy)

7:24 PM, May 23, 2006  
Blogger black feline said...

Your highness...brainwashing does not work here...i suggest we give each one of them here a box of your home made cookies instead of chocolat...IT's good PR....and as we say back home...buy their hearts :) It works all the time for me.
But seriously....be yourself..be confident..that's why we keep on coming back to u..because u are the ORIGINAL!

7:30 PM, May 23, 2006  
Blogger Tainted Female said...

lol @ foghorn... and feline... you still failed.

3:57 PM, May 24, 2006  

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