Where are all the games?

I feel like shit. I shouldn’t have bothered with work. Too fucking tired to be here. Don’t really give a shit about anything today. Though, I have to admit… I look alright.

So much is going on I could almost vomit. My psychology & physical-self are interconnected. I’m fucked in the head; I’m fucked physically and vice-versa.

3 months till my housing contract ends. Need to hand in the paper that states whether or not I’ll be staying next year. Don’t think I will; but moving means looking for a new place and packing. I loathe doing both those things; and am not sure where I’m going to be financially in a few months time.

Was offered another job, kind of. It’s under the condition that I remove the abaya & shayla. I’m considering it. I don’t wear it well anymore, anyway. The only problem… need to talk with the ex first. Make sure he’s not going to trump up some new case for custody or whatever based on it. Don’t like having these sorts of conversations with him. Never know where they’ll end up. Don’t know how to start, but got the courage to go ahead about it.

Was offered second job too. But that’s a little different and I’m not really into joining a brand new company now. I think it’s time I found something stable.

My manager keeps looking for ways to blame me about the resignation of the last sales guy. Went from, “What did she do,” to “Why didn’t she keep his passport and make him stay an extra month?” Probation period. UAE law. What the FUCK do you know about business or ethics? Still waiting for that call. Last I heard direct from him was that he wasn’t sure about what he wanted to do with this company; means maybe he’s planning on throwing a tantrum and closing it. Be fucked if I’ll even consider staying in such an environment for long. Still haven’t received the rest of my salary.

People hire me because I’m Canadian. It’s the truth. Probably why I don’t know about moving back home. Probably end up on welfare. Racism sucks; even on the flipside. Gives false hope and self-image. Here, my passport is enough to get an awesome job. I have no experience. I haven’t complted university. I’m Canadian.

Am tired. Can’t write worth shit today. Getting rejected by feline; hurts.

Told him I didn’t love him anymore. Don’t know if it’s true; don’t know much about what I’m feeling towards him now.

A Kuwaiti IP watching my blog makes me tick. Is it you? And if so, why are you so quiet? And who’s answering your phone these days? Don’t have anymore stories to tell?

Need to find a school for my son. Not going to government one. The ex and I agreed. He was also molested there as a child. Never told me, until I expressed my fears for my son.

So much and so little. Girls here want to grow up too fast. Grass is always greener. I wish I were sheltered. Wouldn’t have such an ugly view. Dumb people are usually happy. Depression is a disease of the intelligent.

I’m not really psychotic. I just play on diagnosis. That’s what he says. I’m Bipolar; that’s the actual diagnosis. Most days, I’m alright.

Today isn’t one of those days.

Vacation? Canada? US? Or shall I wait another few years? Leave and what about the apartment? Stay, and what about the apartment? Work? Here, or in Dubai?

Swallow a pill & shut up.