Monday, April 17, 2006

Spotlight on You

Some of you people make me laugh so hard, I could split my gut while reading your comments. Others gain my respect through a few lines. After reading through the numerous comments made on my last few entries I’ve made, I’ve decided that some of you need recognition for different reasons. So this entry, friends, is a dedication to you.

The first person I must mention is Emirati.

Out of the many things that went through my head after I left the net Saturday night, Emirati’s words, “Like I said, people who choose to let themselves suffer, suffer” took the spotlight of my thoughts. You see, little to Emirati’s knowledge Bipolar people tend to blame themselves for not only their own misery, but the rest of the world’s as well, without insight as arrogant as this to conceive of that torturous thought. I can only assume this man failed to read this entry of mine, before he chose to open his mouth.

Emirati, your comments had such an initial effect on me, they outweighed everything else that was happening in my life on Saturday night. I broke my own rule and took what you had to say personally. In response to that, I went home and emptied all the left-over anti-anxiety, antidepressant, anti-psychotic, and mood-stabilizers from my long-term relationship with the mental care profession, into a bowl. For a good hour, I stared at this cocktail of tablets and considered ‘ending my suffering’ because all my other attempts were obviously failing, as far as you saw.

By the grace of God, staring at those tablets made me remember the state I was in while one them, and the reason I left them to begin with; because it was pretty much the only other time in my life I considered suicide, while under their influence. By the grace of God, I remembered the reality about the amount of time I suffer compared to the amount of time I’m content. I saw my sons face and realized one persons ignorance has no right to push his mamma that far. By the grace of God, I realized if I swallowed those pills, I’d truly be no less insane than you and many others would like to make out.

Today, I found a couple more wise, kind-hearted comments made by this brilliantly-insightful gentleman:

‘Tainted, my suggestions were in the interest of the well being of your son. Not yours.’

’ Ive taken psych courses before and have a very good friend who is a psychiatrist. I'll quote him from a phone call a few hours ago..

"With the proper treatment and follow up, if someone is motivated to go through it, even people with the severest forms of bipolar can live full and happy lives"

Understanding people is great. Understanding why they wont do anything about their situation isnt. My comment was directed at tainted, anyone besides her offended can find a nice cliff to practice arm flapping off of.’

I’ve got to say Emirati, you’re an impeccable human being; and should get an award for figuring me all out, conclusively psychoanalyzing me, while dozens of doctors who not only have degrees in medicine but have also spent years treating those of the likes of me, couldn’t quiet put their fingers on it, though I’ve spent hours answering their questions and taking their tests. Hell, you’ve managed to get it all with little to no interaction with your ‘subject’ and rather simply skimmed a few on-line journal entries! Amazing! Why aren’t you successfully treating the ill?

You’re brilliant advice, “people who choose to let themselves suffer, suffer” should be enough to heal the planet of all its atrocities and human kind should have the likes of you as a leader. Your sincere care for my son, needs to be noted since surely your love for him, your interest in his well-being, and your up-most concern for his well-being is clearly beyond that of his own mothers'. You might consider offering services as a foster parent to other children with parents similar to me, as a part time thing after thumping your life-saving rationality into the mentally ill. And finally, your indication that those other than myself who might be offended by what you said should jump off a cliff, makes more solid my belief that you and I have a lot more in common than you’d like to think. Not only are we both assholes, we both don’t give a fuck about people we’re not connected with. The biggest differences I can see are a two-fold; one, I’m not suffering behind a charade of plastic & paint, incrusted over my soul by society and self-righteousness; and two, I’m not nearly as insightful as you are to be able to figure out the psyche of a person based on a few blog entries.

Unfortunately my abilities to psycho-analyze are far less accurate than yours are. You see, my insight into you based on what you’ve written in your blog and comments around the blogging world, though were once rather positive, lately only leads to me inconclusively deciding that you’re an arrogant, single-sighted fellow, who probably doesn’t have many close friends, defiantly few of his own nationality; a fellow whose lived a pretty average life and yet still finds himself miserable for reasons beyond your own understanding, though is in too much denial to admit it, because you’d find it a shame to be human, to have faults, to make mistakes. Though, I’m almost positive this is all way off, since I don't have your skill.

For your information hun, I’m a pretty positive, happy person, in general; don’t believe me? Send an email my way, I’m officially inviting you for coffee and I’d love for you to take me up on that offer. Maybe face to face, we’ll find common ground and true understanding of one another? Because, as far as I can see now, you’re just another fellow who loves to hate, who has committed no mistake of his own and thus has every right to judge another; sort of like those I’m bringing to the spotlight next. Choose to stay just as you are if you will, you don’t affect me or my loved ones in the slightest.

Before I close this Emirati, I can’t help but wonder if you or your ‘friend’ who is a psychiatrist has been informed of the FDA’s direction insisting that all antidepressants be labeled with ‘Black Box Warning for, increased Suicidal Inclination of users’?

Other common side-effects of clinical treatment of bipolar can be found by clicking this link; if you’re truly interested in gaining understanding.

The next comment I need to bring to the front was left by none other than Anonymous:

Admitting being a fucked woman is more or less like taking anticipatory bail before commiting a crime. So, you have already admitted it, but i am echoing the it again, I doubt your sanity. Better go for complete check-up (physical and mental). Didn't mean to hurt you, but I do mean all what I said and expect you to take it seriously. I am your wellwisher.

All I can say about this one is I love elusive echoers. Not only do they bring entertainment, but they also wish me well and think cruel advice, and sugar-coated stabs at my sanity are the way to help me get there. Allow me to offer some more stable, and internationally recognized and accepted wisdom Anon, Admitting you have problem is the first step to correcting it.

And thanks for the well-wishes, but I assure you I have enough of those from people I know and love already, and can do without the finger-pointing anonymous ones. Consider spending your attention on others, I don’t put much thought into words left by those without a face.

My sincerely favorite of all comments was left by Moona:

‘tainted my suggestion is you should try to think less about your Bipolar disorder ... or it will be worse. Maybe this blog is a good way for you to feel better Did you try with qur'an? Listening to qur'an? I know it might sound a muttawah thing but it might help you. think of it and nshallah u'll feel better’

Moona, thank you for not fearing me and for sharing your thoughts with me; despite my obviously growing reputation for attacking those who do the same. I appreciate your suggestion, the way you’ve read into what’s going on with my Blog and me, and the way you’ve accepted it without judging me as a person. To be honest, I have another blog that usually serves the purpose you’ve suggested, and this one is meant to be pretty-much entertainment. But I messed things up a little on Saturday; I probably shouldn’t have posted these entries here.

Offering a little more information, I don’t dwell on my Bipolar and am pretty-much average 99% of the time. To answer your question, yes, I listen to Quraan. And yes, it helps lots. I don’t think you sound mattawah like, I think it’s rational advice and offer the same suggestion to lots of Muslims when suffering.

Now, I couldn’t exactly end this entry without spotlighting what my favorite pussy had to say:

’ im wondering why u are not in Desperate Housewives.. Diva?’

Considering the fact that I’ve never seen this show, I can’t say much about this other than, this little kitty just can’t seem to get enough of me, can she? I wonder if she relates her addiction with what I’ve been told is some soppy girly show that’s currently making it big internationally, and her addiction to loving-to-hate me.


For the rest of you, shaking your heads in disgust and bewilderedness, I have a simple suggestion… Stop reading my blog if what I’ve got to say aggravates you so. And those who choose not to take this suggestion please keep in mind that just because my door is open, doesn’t mean I invited you in. Deal with me respectfully and I’ll offer you the same in return.


Blogger Jayne said...

There are very few bloggers 'out there' who tell it like it is - no holds barred. You are one of the few hon & I for one appreciate your honesty, even if it appears so brutal at times. You're an intelligent young woman with a life of milestones involving your son ahead of you. The only person who has the right to judge you is YOU.

9:42 AM, April 17, 2006  
Blogger Tainted Female said...


You are an angel. And for some reason, yestrday evening you came to mind.

I would like to get to know you better. My email is linked to my profile. Please drop me a line, as I spend 90% of my time in Abu Dhabi, and would love to meet you, if you're up to it.

Stay wonderful.

10:01 AM, April 17, 2006  
Blogger flamin said...

accept people for who they are, not for what you want them to be. we are no one to judge others, we have enough ghosts of our own. it's upto you if you wish to see your frankenstein or not.

whatever it is, i love you and know that in this insanity, you're still sane.

12:18 PM, April 17, 2006  
Blogger Tainted Female said...

' i love you and know that in this insanity, you're still sane.

You mean the act is that convincing? LOL! Umwah, to you too!

12:33 PM, April 17, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

yes it is but don't be mistaken, i KNOW when you're acting ;)

1:02 PM, April 17, 2006  
Blogger Emirati said...

hahahaha im flattered. Thank you for dedicating a good 30 minutes or so of your time to me. Everything you said I was ignorant of with regards to psychology and psychiatry, I am fully aware of.

I am full of mistakes of my own and problems of my own. Its just that I dont dwell on them. I dont go advertising them to people like its the Jumeriah Apartments and I dont form friendships with people I only know on the Internet. Despite your high school girl instinct psychoanalysis, its very hard to read personalities on the Internet. If you ask some other bloggers im not really like what I project myself to be on my blog. I never let anyone know what im thinking.

I really truly wish you the best in figuring out what the hell youre going to do in life, and apologize for trying to motivate some change in you.

I will have to apologize and reject your coffee invitation. As I dont socialize with other women outside of official or work related events.

1:09 PM, April 17, 2006  
Blogger Tainted Female said...

So ignorance has nothing to do with your arrogance… I’m sorry.

1:33 PM, April 17, 2006  
Blogger Tainted Female said...


Funny... I believe I just became acquainted with you recently; and clearly you have better insight into me than our self-trained Psychiatrist here.

You're right. It's not like me. It was most-likely a combination of things that were going on which allowed such a person to take the center-stage of my thoughts.

A pleasure to have you here.

On a side note... I'm NOT fucked. It's the rest of the world that's got it wrong!

~*And now, I'll stomp my feet and insist I'm sane, in a clearly insane moment!

1:44 PM, April 17, 2006  
Blogger adevents said...

very nice post I like reading your blog, it is like sitting in a cinema and watching a movie if you like the story or not you can not change it , either u continue watching or fall sleep or better leave, it is all up to u and the movie story up to the director, and i am still watching the movie

2:46 PM, April 17, 2006  
Blogger Hot Lemon& Honey said...

Tainted...I am glad you didn't empty the bowl..
If anything you are a fighter...and worked through all these don't end your prescious life for someone who is clueless about how it is to be in your shoes...
And yes...despite all what you have been through you have a positive attitude to life and to people...a very giving person..
Tainted hun...just ignore the hurtful comments...and know there are people out there who admire your resilience.

5:44 PM, April 17, 2006  
Blogger Tainted Female said...

HL & H, I know far better than the way I was acting the night before last... And you needn't worry...

The second time in my entire life I got like that... the first time it was a lot worse.

So... I'm smiling today, because again I defeated those dragons... with chemical meds. :)

Love you much.

Ad events... you really are a honey. And you keep poppin in and sharing your thoughts with me.

6:17 PM, April 17, 2006  
Blogger Emirati said...

Im sorry leghorn, were you addressing me ?

6:55 PM, April 17, 2006  
Blogger Emirati said...

Let me assume you are, how very creative of you to bring up camel rape. Really I cant imagine anyone whose used that.

I really also cannot imagine how you got your nickname. Creativity Star number two.

Youre only rambo behind a screen. Afterall, you eat out of the camel rapists hands.

6:58 PM, April 17, 2006  
Blogger Emirati said...

And Tainted, I wish you all the luck in the world in your quests to find a rich naiive local to foot up your psych bills. Your claims of appearing to have a content life are refuted by some of the people that know you.

7:00 PM, April 17, 2006  
Blogger Tainted Female said...

For the love of God Emirati...

Please pick your fights in your own space. His comment, was directed at me, regardless of any reference he may have made on the side. You're comment here, has nothing to do with me or my blog.

I get enough negative attention on my own... Why not post your reaction to this in your own blog? Or send him an email?

And as for your additional attempt to stab at me… Seriously hun, why do you dwell on something you clearly despise so much? Why do you continue to visit my blog? Why are you still reading? And why would you ask about me, and trust the opinions of someone else, and yet still refute my offer to buy you a coffee?

Is Islam you’re reason for not associating with women? Ok, maybe this will sink in…

Allah yslmhek, for your repeated attempts to insult me. Keep in mind, in your blog I never once insulted you or attempted to do so, as I see it as your space. As the host of this Blog, I have to say… You’re one of the most disrespectful guests I’ve come across. And yet, I’m still not asking you to leave or deleting your comments.

7:11 PM, April 17, 2006  
Blogger Emirati said...

As long as you encourage him or see him through saying that, I have a right to fire back.

We have a disagreement, and you had escalate it to a whole thread. No problem. But now youre complaining about me, and wanting me to leave you alone. While you cheerlead your pep squad into posting some comments (one of them racist). Well thats a fine way to do it.

Believe me, I dont despise you at all. I dont take anything personally. I could see through some of the lies you were throwing around on this blog (and continue to throw around).

Please, after your sarcasm campaign, and the thread dedication, do not attempt to play Ghandi.

I'll happily stop posting on your blog when you remove this thread directed at me.

10:56 PM, April 17, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This 'Emirati' guy needs to get a life, seriously...

11:49 PM, April 17, 2006  
Blogger Emirati said...

muhairy, you should mind your own buisness and go get a life of your own.

11:54 PM, April 17, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have one but looks like you don't. Stop being full of yourself and leave people alone...

1:05 AM, April 18, 2006  
Blogger Emirati said...

As soon as the thread is removed.

2:55 AM, April 18, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Then keep passing by. Just because YOU want a thread removed, does not mean that the blogger will remove the thread. You are a bigwig in your own world.

11:44 AM, April 18, 2006  
Blogger Tainted Female said...

Anyone want a cookie?

5:33 PM, April 18, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Emirati needs one. Emirati deserves one.

6:43 PM, April 18, 2006  
Blogger Tainted Female said...

Cookies are FOR everyone today, Muhairy!

7:10 PM, April 18, 2006  
Blogger BuJ said...

hmmm when did this post get written? oh my lord.. guys.. take it easy..

otherwise maybe I will need to use my Shihab I and II

12:51 AM, April 20, 2006  
Blogger Emirati said...

So we learn foghorn, from reading your posts :)

3:02 AM, April 22, 2006  
Blogger Tainted Female said...

What's a Shihab?

6:41 AM, April 22, 2006  
Blogger BuJ said...

shihab are iranian made missiles.. quite good stuff.. the best in the middle east (made in middle east, not just imported) after israeli stuff..

9:29 PM, April 26, 2006  

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