Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Where are all the games?

I feel like shit. I shouldn’t have bothered with work. Too fucking tired to be here. Don’t really give a shit about anything today. Though, I have to admit… I look alright.

So much is going on I could almost vomit. My psychology & physical-self are interconnected. I’m fucked in the head; I’m fucked physically and vice-versa.

3 months till my housing contract ends. Need to hand in the paper that states whether or not I’ll be staying next year. Don’t think I will; but moving means looking for a new place and packing. I loathe doing both those things; and am not sure where I’m going to be financially in a few months time.

Was offered another job, kind of. It’s under the condition that I remove the abaya & shayla. I’m considering it. I don’t wear it well anymore, anyway. The only problem… need to talk with the ex first. Make sure he’s not going to trump up some new case for custody or whatever based on it. Don’t like having these sorts of conversations with him. Never know where they’ll end up. Don’t know how to start, but got the courage to go ahead about it.

Was offered second job too. But that’s a little different and I’m not really into joining a brand new company now. I think it’s time I found something stable.

My manager keeps looking for ways to blame me about the resignation of the last sales guy. Went from, “What did she do,” to “Why didn’t she keep his passport and make him stay an extra month?” Probation period. UAE law. What the FUCK do you know about business or ethics? Still waiting for that call. Last I heard direct from him was that he wasn’t sure about what he wanted to do with this company; means maybe he’s planning on throwing a tantrum and closing it. Be fucked if I’ll even consider staying in such an environment for long. Still haven’t received the rest of my salary.

People hire me because I’m Canadian. It’s the truth. Probably why I don’t know about moving back home. Probably end up on welfare. Racism sucks; even on the flipside. Gives false hope and self-image. Here, my passport is enough to get an awesome job. I have no experience. I haven’t complted university. I’m Canadian.

Am tired. Can’t write worth shit today. Getting rejected by feline; hurts.

Told him I didn’t love him anymore. Don’t know if it’s true; don’t know much about what I’m feeling towards him now.

A Kuwaiti IP watching my blog makes me tick. Is it you? And if so, why are you so quiet? And who’s answering your phone these days? Don’t have anymore stories to tell?

Need to find a school for my son. Not going to government one. The ex and I agreed. He was also molested there as a child. Never told me, until I expressed my fears for my son.

So much and so little. Girls here want to grow up too fast. Grass is always greener. I wish I were sheltered. Wouldn’t have such an ugly view. Dumb people are usually happy. Depression is a disease of the intelligent.

I’m not really psychotic. I just play on diagnosis. That’s what he says. I’m Bipolar; that’s the actual diagnosis. Most days, I’m alright.

Today isn’t one of those days.

Vacation? Canada? US? Or shall I wait another few years? Leave and what about the apartment? Stay, and what about the apartment? Work? Here, or in Dubai?

Swallow a pill & shut up.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

4:18 PM, April 11, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hiya ..

I read what you wrote all the way and man you use the work FUCK alot becareful when ur with ur kid :) kids catch up quickly ... And unfortunatly about you being Canadian and Jobs in UAE is true If you're local they'll look for experiences, skills and certificates but if ur an expat ull get hired just because ur not local ... mmmmmmmmm I wonder why things are like this here ...

And taking ur son to a private school is the best choice .. goverment schools are no good don't think of it :)

You know I tried to figure it out but I couldnt are you happy in Dubai or not?

Hope your day pass smoothly :)

4:18 PM, April 11, 2006  
Blogger Tainted Female said...


I’m as happy in Dubai as I would be anywhere else, actually. I love the UAE, for sure.

Thank you for all the time you’ve spent in my blog today & for sharing your thoughts with me. My baby doesn’t get to hear the nasty words that come out of my mouth, I’m pretty good at holding my tongue when needed. *wink*


5:28 PM, April 11, 2006  
Blogger Hot Lemon& Honey said...

another pisces

6:02 PM, April 11, 2006  
Blogger Tainted Female said...

In the post before last, I asked feline if she wanted to go to it... she rejected me. Can't you see I'm broken B?

And HL & H!!!! UMWAH! Welcome back.

6:11 PM, April 11, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was happy to read ur blog sista .. enjoyed it 2 be honest :)

You know I think you need a spa to relax :)

7:35 PM, April 11, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your vivid imagery and enchanting descriptions culminate in an irresistable blog..A far less raunchy Jackie Collins of the Ajman plains.

10:29 PM, April 11, 2006  
Blogger Hot Lemon& Honey said...

I say vacation to Canada..Toronto for sure..

1:12 AM, April 12, 2006  
Blogger black feline said...

wow! u packed one whole year of activities into one post..that's impressive...your royal highness!

5:55 AM, April 12, 2006  
Blogger adevents said...

Don’t worry, don’t marry and be happy and one more thing hot lemon is right take a vacation

9:42 AM, April 12, 2006  
Blogger archer14 said...

TF, you should know better to make hay while the sun shines. Sooner or later money would dry up here too, it's not that far if Bush Sr. decides to press the button if he's on the verge of losing his chair.

And I'm dreaming of moving to Canada just like my brethren. At least the rent is cheaper there.

10:30 AM, April 12, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

HLH is back:))

TF, now you dont hafta miss her anymore:P

Truth be told, I kinda missed her too :D

2:06 PM, April 12, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Take a real vacation somewhere new...Try SE Asia. Why Canada? It's just a vast, boring place that you already know. Go learn something new. Would do you good. You are suffering from too much navel-gazing.

3:13 PM, April 12, 2006  
Blogger flamin said...

i was going to comment here last night and now, i forgot what i had to say :P


shit happens...it's all going to be fine. distract urself. listen to the radio or something :P

and go behind al mallah restaurant, like Anon suggested. oh but u'll have to wait till tomorrow :P

4:00 PM, April 12, 2006  
Blogger Tainted Female said...

Stamp Collecting.... considering it....

And Archer? Huh?

Anon?! Canada is home though... and I'm kinda missing pieces of it, ya know...

MD... I luuuuuuurve you.

4:11 PM, April 12, 2006  
Blogger Tainted Female said...


Take a look at this link feline... Sarcasm's only interesting when it's not overdone, hun.

And since you declined having sex with me, I'm getting rather bored of you now.

4:15 PM, April 12, 2006  
Blogger black feline said...

thank u for the compliment...i will continue to upgrade...as for your request...Baluchi will gladly relieve u OR follow the IKEA way...DIY :)

5:05 PM, April 12, 2006  
Blogger samuraisam said...


6:09 PM, April 12, 2006  
Blogger Tainted Female said...

And I won the race!

6:12 PM, April 12, 2006  
Blogger samuraisam said...


6:13 PM, April 12, 2006  
Blogger Tainted Female said...

But I drank the milk! And got burned!

6:18 PM, April 12, 2006  

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home