Monday, May 22, 2006

If I knew the answer; subsequently it becomes ‘Nothing.’

During the course of a rather comedic, light conversation I had last night, like a razor blade found in candy, I was asked, ‘What do you want in life?’

This is one of those questions that have plagued my mind since about as far back as I can remember. The simplest way for me to answer it is, “I don’t know what I want; I know what I don’t want, though.”

You see, I’m one of those people that knows that she can get what she wants, no matter what that want may consist of. If I knew what I wanted I life, I’d have it by now. And, either I’d learn to want something new, or I’d find contentment immediately; both resulting in me not wanting anything eventually.

Before I came to the UAE, I didn’t have much. I don’t remember that I wanted much, either. Maybe my mom will conflict this statement, but she still tells people I’m messy; a trait I haven’t had since I passed the age of puberty. (By the way, she is here, and has commented. Sooner or later, she’ll create a blog; she calls herself Basil) As far as I remember, I wanted what I needed more than anything else. I didn’t care about the shoes I wore, or the cost of my hemp necklace. I didn’t care for pretty things as much as most here do.

I still remember being given pocket money one day. I must have been younger than seven years old. By choice, I bought Windex, instead of candy like normal kids. I probably could have found some at the house anyway, but when I went to she shop, I saw the Windex and decided I needed to clean the windows in my bedroom, more than I needed candy.

Anyway, that all changed when I encountered society in the UAE. I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again… I was taught to want, when it comes to material things. You can’t force a Mercedes on someone who doesn’t want it; make them drive it for six months, then send them back to the bus and expect them not to long for the comfort again, can you?

Now, I’m just about as shallow as the rest of you. That’s not the point of this blog entry, though.

The point is the UAE has given me a lot of things I wanted, things I thought I wanted, along side a bunch of things no one should ever want. It has changed me dramatically. Evidently, I may be surer about what I don’t want in life, than what I do, but I’m 100% certain about what I want after that; and I have the UAE to thank for it.

And I think I’m going to leave the only thing I truly long for as one of the few things I’ll keep to myself; at least for the time being. Perhaps you’ll consider your ‘life-wants’ and share them with me. Maybe, through seeing them, I’ll figure out my own?


Anonymous Anonymous said...


What do I want in life...
To know there's still something to live for, something to achieve and a challenge lying ahead.

Wow! That sounds like the biggest load of bull-shit.

Success, wealth and a yacht!


10:36 PM, May 22, 2006  
Blogger BuJ said...

i like analogies.. and your merc analogy is very good.. it helps explain things in a very simple way.. lateral thinking of sorts...


10:44 PM, May 22, 2006  
Blogger BuJ said...

oh yeah, did u hear the story about the fisherman and the harvard MBA?

10:45 PM, May 22, 2006  
Blogger Dry Gin Martini said...

I have heard many people say "if I want to do that, I can", or "if I want that, I will get it", but the truth is, people who talk like that are usually procrastinators, dreamers, or lazy, and I emphasize the latter. It is much easier to think something, that to actually do it. I'm sorry Tainted, I don't mean offense, and you know that, but you so boldly state:
"You see, I’m one of those people that knows that she can get what she wants, no matter what that want may consist of". I think that's a load of crap, unless your wants are nothing more than food and shelter. But life is about the pursuit of goals, dreams, and ambitions. Once you accept what comes your way easily, and quit pushing yourself, an important part of your humanism stops existing.

10:08 AM, May 23, 2006  
Blogger Tainted Female said...


Buj, nope. Haven’t heard that story. Please do share it. And thank you, I like analogies too. ;)

Anon, LOL! I know for damn sure that I don’t want either of the things you’re on about, except when taken a little outta context.

“To know there's still something to live for.” <-- I want this too, but not for the sake of challenge, or achievement in life; while living. I guess ‘worth living for’ are the key words here.

And LC, com’on hun. You should know by now, you and I are beyond offending one another and do have the ability to discuss opinions, perceptions and the like in a mature and rational way. I enjoy you rhonesty. I find the way you’ve perceived this sentence rather interesting; and to a certain extent, I’ll agree.

I am certainly a dreamer, I can procrastinate, and there are times when I am down right out lazy. But I assure you, my wants are never further than my reach; and I have succeeded so far in getting anything I put my mind to.

I’ll give you a few examples, of irrational (or even seemingly impossible) wants I’ve managed to get my hands on:

A high school degree; two years prior to my class in Canada actually graduating, after dropping out of grade eight and staying out for two years before deciding I wanted something academic behind me.

A genuinely positive personality; after two nervous breakdowns, being diagnosed as Bipolar, with insomnia & anxiety disorders. Sam can back me up when I say that I’m one of the happiest people many have ever met, and I'm pretty fucking cheery, in person. In fact, I have been fired from a volunteer job because, “She’s too damn happy!”

These examples should give you ideas of the sorts of things people like me tend to want, and succeed at getting. Truth is, it extends to many, many other areas of life, and if I can’t manage to get it… it’ll just mean I don’t want it enough.


2:41 PM, May 23, 2006  
Blogger Tainted Female said...

foghorn! WELCOME BACK.

You get back, and UC is gone. LOL! What the hell is it? You think I can't take you both on at once? LOL!

And secure lifestyle... please, please expand on this point. Because I tend to feel there is little or no security in a future here...

2:43 PM, May 23, 2006  
Blogger Tainted Female said...

Nope... I haven't. Two things we've learned through the comments in this post that Tainted has no clue about...

And ummm, yeah... I was talking about the blog... But if you want to expand on what else I might have been implying.. be my guest... I'm curious...

3:20 PM, May 23, 2006  
Blogger black feline said...

Your highness....i want to be a's that sane? lol

5:35 PM, May 23, 2006  
Blogger Dry Gin Martini said...

What I'm trying to say is don't confuse wanting what's within your grasp to getting anything you wanted. Sometimes people subconsciously confuse the two, because it gives them comfort and security.

8:19 PM, May 23, 2006  
Blogger Tainted Female said...


you're not on msn... and I've been peeking in to find you all day..

now I'm outta here till saturday...

time to spend some much, much deserved time with my son...

So... we'll continue this conversation then... ;)

8:27 PM, May 23, 2006  
Blogger CG said...

I think I have somehow managed to train myself to not really 'want' things that are totally out of reach.
I do push for things that are my right, and sometimes adopt the 'beg, borrow or steal' attitude when all else fails.
I know I cannot have everything that I 'want' and I tend to think of 'want' as a bit of a lame word.
I have needs and desires, which are strong. My wants are frivolous.

I need money, I desire happiness, I want a new car evey year. Got it?

9:05 PM, May 23, 2006  
Blogger BuJ said...

well well... the fisherman and the harvard MBA story reads as follows...

there was a poor fisherman in a carribean who woke up early everyday to catch his fish.. he rose at dawn and took his small boat and net... rowed until he got tired or till he felt like it then stopped in the middle of the ocean.. admired the beauty then he cast his net..

most days he would notice some activity around the net within a few minutes then pull the net and collect the fish.. he did that a few times until he got enough fish to feed his family and a bit to sell.. sometimes he would have to work a bit harder to get his fish, but he never waited for more than an hour or two to get some fish...

his fishing would be done by noon, and by early afternoon he would have sold what little fish was left over and he would have lunch then nap by the sun...

(cg, i know something u desire but you cannot have) anyway, he really liked his naps.. actually it's the highlight of his day... but once just as he was about to sleep.. this loud american came and disturbed him!

the american was really annoying and wanted to know more about the fisherman's life.. and why is he sleeping.. was he tired.. was he sick? etc..

the fisherman told him about his day then told him that he wanted to excuse himself (politely) to nap.. unknown to the american.. the whole reason the fisherman wakes up early and finishes fishing early was to get that nap, and now he's robbing him of it.

anyway the american told the fisherman that he can improve his catch by using modern equipment then maybe he can hire a few other people and increase revenues (after all he had a harvard MBA).. with the increased cash he can get more capital and make more money...

the fisherman was really not interested but managed to ask him something.. how long does it take to do this? well.. the american said if u want to have a big fishing empire and put it on the stock exchange u would probably need around 20 years.. and then u can retire..

the fisherman now got a bit interested... retire you said? he asked the american.. well well.. what do i do when i am retired?

to that the american answered that you can do anything.. you can own your own island in the carribean and enjoy the sun in the morning and nap in the afternoon as well as read your books in the evening...

obviously the poor fisherman was annoyed now.. he realised that he didn't need an american or loads of money to enjoy life.. most importantly he didn't need to wait 20 years.. but the american didn't know it.. and that's how the story goes...

1:34 AM, May 24, 2006  
Blogger Dry Gin Martini said...

and this story has a point?

4:36 AM, May 24, 2006  
Blogger Tainted Female said...

I’m thinking I’m more along the lines of CG, than anyone else… while at the same time, I’m learning the lesson in the story Buj told.

When you said ‘security’ I was thinking financial, not necessarily safety… see how varying thoughts can be? As for for safety, yeah… I’m with you.

3:55 PM, May 24, 2006  
Blogger CG said...

Buj, if you know so much about my desires and you care so much as to mention it then perhaps you would like to make my wishes come true.
(how, I have no idea at all).

7:54 PM, May 24, 2006  
Blogger BuJ said...

CG.. so u read thru that load of txt i wrote?

4:04 AM, May 25, 2006  
Blogger Harsha said...

I dint read through the entire chunk of text that buj wrote since i'm keeping up through the archives, but when I heard/read it , it had a nice punch line along with the moral in the way that made the mba guy say "you can own your own island in the carribean and enjoy the sun in the morning and nap in the afternoon as well as read your books in the evening..."

to which the fisherman replies "thats almost what i'm doing now"

11:04 AM, June 10, 2006  

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