Monday, May 08, 2006

Recipe for Obesity: United Arab Emirates

We’ve got drive-thru restaurants, drive through banks, and drive-thru car washes like any other country; but I was astonished a week or so ago to witness a drive-thru pharmacy.

In fact, I had to point it out to Sam.

You’re pretty fucking lazy when you can’t park your car; walk into to a pharmacy to take your prescriptions; your Viagra or Preparation-H; choose your hair-loss cream or vitamins. Pretty fucking lazy if you need a drive-thru; but this is Dubai I’m talking about; the world of not-ever-lifting-a-finger-despite-virtually-forgetting-how-to-walk.

The recipe for obesity is all here.

Take six months of weather; so fucking hot & humid you can’t breathe outdoors the density of water in the air outweighs the hottest fucking sauna.

Pour in cheap domestic help to plant and water your garden; clean your house; chase after your kids.

Add in mounds, construction of sidewalks that don’t seem complete, no matter how pretty they are, along side roads designed in the least rational way to get from point A to point B, and the nonexistence of cross walks & usable over-passes.

Insert a generous amount of idiot drivers using sidewalks for roadways, and roadways for parking; luring at pretty women or accidents; or to simply frustrate other drivers on the road.

Throw in a pinch of seedy perverts with camera phones, that can’t manage to leave a walker alone while on their walk; thus making walking an impossible mission for most women.

Douse it all in drive-thru restaurants, banks, car washes, pharmacies and the drive up supermarkets & cafeterias.

Finally, add the transportation phone call; where just about anything from food to condoms, is just a call away from your home, through supermarkets, fast-food, or even slow-food outlets, (the sim-card to make these calls, by the way, can also be delivered to your home). And just this morning I learned; and this one tops the cake, you can even call the new ‘Nokia Concierge’ (or whatever the fuck it’s called), who will gladly bring their whole shop of electronics right to your doorstep any day of the week from 8am till 8pm, so you can now buy a new computer, laptop, Nokia phone or what-not without getting your fat ass off your fucking couch!

10 years from now; in Dubai… it may just seem like insanity to leave your house to purchase a new one. I’m pretty sure as well, by that time obesity will top traffic accident as the #1 place for cause of death in the UAE.

I’m not fat yet; are you?


Blogger adevents said...

yub that why i had heart attack when i was 28 yrs old

1:51 PM, May 08, 2006  
Blogger Dry Gin Martini said...

that's funny. Here we strive to move to big cities in order to leave our cars behind. Why would you ever drive in Toronto or Montreal? all you'll be doing is wasting your money on parking. It's so beautiful that you do want to walk, plus you have an awesome metro system. You'd think a brand new city being built would be following a more cosmopolitan system, with more shops on the street and less malls, and a good public transportation system. Bas I guess the Arabs would feel their penises are too small if they don't build the world's largest whatever.

2:15 PM, May 08, 2006  
Blogger Tainted Female said...

AD events, you're serious? That's scary. Move out NOW.

And lc, it's sick really. One of the things I miss most about being home... the ability to walk.

Fucking drive-thru pharmacy... unbelievable!

2:24 PM, May 08, 2006  
Blogger CG said...

you are right on all counts.

BUT I stopped laughing about the drive thru pharmacy when I actually really NEEDED a drive thru. My son was throwing up in a bucket on the back seat of the car...and he needed a suppository I could not have carried him (too heavy) was a delight to see the drive thru sign, better than dragging a puking kid in there.
My friend has twin babies, she also uses it and says what a relief it is to not have to lug the twins out of their carseats and into a stroller...

I have banned drive thru food outlets and no-one has seemed to notice, which is a good thing.

4:22 PM, May 08, 2006  
Blogger Lou said...

A most amusing post Tainted :)

4:28 PM, May 08, 2006  
Blogger Tainted Female said...


I suppose when you think of it this way... it's not so bad for the pharmacy... but it's a gotta be an international first; doesn't it?

And desert lady... thank you much.. ;)

4:31 PM, May 08, 2006  
Blogger CG said...

and with the parking situation reaching the point of disgusting....we need drive thru everything...still the only drive thru I can honestly say is worth it is the pharmacy one.
As for FFF (full fat food) then you should have to walk 3 miles to earn that.

4:35 PM, May 08, 2006  
Blogger BuJ said...

how bout a drive thru loo?

6:02 PM, May 08, 2006  
Blogger Tainted Female said...

lol buj... lol...

6:32 PM, May 08, 2006  
Blogger Destitute Rebel said...

I'v seen drive thru pharmacies all over america. its not a first for sure.

10:29 PM, May 08, 2006  
Blogger Shaykhspeara Sha'ira said...

3anjad buj! lol

Drive through pharmacy seems to make sense I mean after all one is sick, in general going there.

tainted, maybe you should concider becoming a dietitian and have your own private drive through clinic for all the obese and soon to be obese population...

1:40 AM, May 09, 2006  
Blogger Anon said...

is the drive thru pharmacy the one at the junction of Al Asl road and the one that leads to defense.

Or is there two?

10:15 AM, May 09, 2006  
Blogger Tainted Female said...

UC, that's the one I'm talking about...

And MD... :( I love you and miss you and have a new telephone number.... When you get a message from a new number... it's me... lol

3:28 PM, May 09, 2006  

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