Saturday, March 25, 2006

Lighten up a bit…

I had a wonderful weekend with my son; and even got a chance to visit my mom. But during quiet time, when nothing else was happening my mind kept drifting back to here and some of the comments people have made on previous entries.

Since, I’ve started Blogging here I’ve received pity, which I don’t want or need and don’t appreciate; advice, some of which I don’t necessarily agree with but don’t mind hearing, anyway; I’ve been accused of lying; which I most certainly have not and have no need to do; and I’ve been told I need to lighten up and that I should be comfortable with the treatment the UAE authorities have given me in the past; etc.

Overall I’ve simply been misunderstood. Maybe my IQ has reached an all time low and I’ve just forgotten how to communicate at all?

While I was talking with my mom last night, some of these comments found their way into our conversation. Actually, our conversation was revolved around me considering leaving here and going back home to Canada; giving custody of my son, who doesn’t even speak English, to his father, as I’m starting to think maybe that’s what’s best for him and me. I mean, when it comes to having an absent mom, or a mom who has clearly lost her mind, I think my son may be better off without me.

And I am on the verge of losing my mind, it seems.

You see, I don’t blame people for thinking my tales are far-fetched. It’s almost inconceivable that a person of my age has seen the numerous things I have, or experienced the things I’ve done. I myself would probably assume a person like myself were full of shit, because well, it is just too much. And I don’t blame people who misunderstanding my stories as peas for pity, or help, or whatever, because I’m sure most people who have been through what I have, look for those sorts of things. But it’s just not me. And I suppose I blame myself for people suggesting I should ‘take it easy’ or be ‘comfortable’ with the treatment I’ve received, as I’ve failed to clearly express my actual feelings towards certain experiences.

So let me make a final attempt to correct these things. I don’t resent the UAE authorities, or the local population, the law enforcement or any of the treatment I’ve received from any of them. I don’t necessarily hold grudges (except in one case), and so long as I’m not suffering at the time of sharing, I tend not to hold any animosity towards a certain situation, no matter how disgusting it actually was. I don’t feel sorry for myself, and I don’t want others to feel it for me either. I’m a grown woman and I take responsibility for what I’ve done and the consequences of those actions. I am one of those people who believes that if you don’t like the UAE, you should leave and because I’m starting to feel I don’t like it so much anymore, I am considering leaving. And it’s not because I can’t handle the legal system, or the politics, or the traffic, or the increasing rents, or the annoying complaints of expats, or those who think they have all the answers to fixing this beautiful country; and won’t shut up about it. It’s actually because the multinational society here has become so incredibly secluded for me I’m lonely to the point of almost talking to myself, from time to time. And for even that, I really only can only blame myself because I’ve learned not to trust people here; not to bother making new friends or associates.

My truths are outrageous. And I really don’t give a damn whether you believe me or not, or how you take them or anything else I have to say, after I’ve posted this entry; because, I’m going to share them anyway. I’ve been here more than eleven years now. What I’ve learned I’m sure some other person can learn from. How I’ve learned varies from one extreme to the next. My stories are only told for the sake of sharing. Whether you want to laugh or cry while reading them, do me a favor and don’t assume I feel the same way.


**Now, it’s good to see Balushi is back.
***And Secret Dubai, I just saw you replied to the woman & work discussion, I’m sorry I didn’t comment sooner. I hear what you’re saying and I don’t necessarily disagree with most of it, but for the parts I do, we’ll just agree to disagree; agreed?

11 Comments:

Blogger Hot Lemon& Honey said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

11:10 AM, March 25, 2006  
Blogger Neglected-ism said...

I know how frustrating it is. I blogged each time I had family issues and all I got in return were sympathy-mails and people asking me to run away from the family. If only they saw beyond the whining. Truth is, some people want to dictate what THEY want to read. Sooner or later, they'll get tired of the personal rants.

11:16 AM, March 25, 2006  
Blogger Hot Lemon& Honey said...

Hmmm I think those people are just trying to sympathise...I guess they want to be helpful..
There are many different ways people will react to your posts Tainted..and I was actually suprised that people could actually be "nice" to a total stranger..
I agree (cause i was one)..we misunderstood some points..but over all, speaking for my self..you just made me curious and had this need...hmmm...maybe its a maternal kind of instinct..to make you feel better..

11:33 AM, March 25, 2006  
Blogger Tainted Female said...

Hot lemon…

You’re one of the very reasons I DO appreciate the local culture as I do and am disgusted to watch it get washed away through western influence as fast as every new building here gets raised.

I think I’m just thinking too much… these days. I’m not really as alone as I feel, but very lonely compared to what my life was like, and what I’m accustomed to. And when I say was, I mean even my past here. This country made me all I am really. I came so young; at the prime age for influence and molding.

I will be certain to send an email your way, but just in case my email is linked to my portfolio here, and I check that email often.

Neglected, I don’t know how to respond to that. I never feel comfortable knowing another person has felt the same shitty things as me, and I really don’t know what to say to make it go away because when people try to console me I either don’t want or need to hear it, or I think they’re just part of the plastic masses found so very often here.

But thank you for reading and sharing your experience with me. I’ll be sure to check out that blog of yours too.

11:37 AM, March 25, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

HLH,

I dont think its wise of you to give out your mail address in public like this, you might receive a lot of trash from secret admirers;)

TF,

First time to your blog, I have commented on an earlier post today.

Good stuff.

11:50 AM, March 25, 2006  
Blogger Tainted Female said...

Hot lemon,

In case you agree with anon, I've written down your email and will send you something just now.. that way if you're more comfortable to delete it, it's not a problem.

And thanks Anon.

11:58 AM, March 25, 2006  
Blogger Hot Lemon& Honey said...

Thanks Anon, I just deleted it..not that I worry about secret admirers..but maybe from many non_admirers..
Tainted I just emailed you..

12:14 PM, March 25, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Damn..

HLH, amidst all that saintly advice I was giving, I myself forgot to note down your address before TF deleted it :P

Oh well, if only I knew you were fond of secret admirers:)

Happy corresponding, ladies!

12:41 PM, March 25, 2006  
Blogger Hot Lemon& Honey said...

hahahaha Anon...secret admirers...secret non-admireres...
actually I deleted it after I read your response THANKS...
Mabye you should start your blog :)

12:44 PM, March 25, 2006  
Blogger Tainted Female said...

I'm thinking I like Anon.. He's funny. And I emailed you back... and it's a long one, really!

12:52 PM, March 25, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

HLH & TF,

Hehe..i think I like you lasses as well!

And yeah, I do blog, not on blogger though, but on MSN. Do check it out here:

http://spaces.msn.com/volatilevortex

I welcome and encourage more hits and internet traffic jams on my blog. For once, its a traffic jam thats good for everyones health :P

1:26 PM, March 25, 2006  

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