UAE lacks a lot…

Years back, my mom made the comment, “You know what this place needs? It needs a Subway!”

What do ya know, this morning I happened to drive right by a Subway on my way to work. Seeing it of course, is what prompted the memory of my mom’s comment, made so very long ago. It also initiated my thoughts about a number of other things the UAE doesn’t really have now. I wonder how many of these things, like the Subway, will make an appearance soon:

We don’t have public pornography here; you know, like on those stickers showing two completely naked people all over one another framed by a pay-phone number, that are stuck all over phone booths and signboards on the streets of London; or the afternoon pornographic movies shown on public television during all hours of the day, accessible to every person in every home that has cable in many parts of Europe. The poor children of the UAE who aren’t exposed to such things immediately after birth, and before they reach puberty are most certainly missing out on a lot of valuable information and social education because of this, aren’t they? It’s no wonder they’re such a dysfunctional bunch.

We also don’t have Retirement Homes for the elderly, Group-Homes for disgruntled, rebellious teens, or even Orphanages here, like the ones so commonly found in so many other places in the world. Now, I’m aware that Al Wasl hospital is currently acting like an orphanage for some abandoned children, but this is a rather recent development and not actually an official orphanage; yet. Let’s say this one is in the process of transition; while the other two, from my uneducated knowledge-base and completely inexperienced opinion don’t exist here in any way, shape or form. It’s understandable; since we all know that the elderly members of this society are simply taken out to the desert and left for dead when their children and grandchildren get too busy with their jobs or their own young and healthy family members, to take care of their incompetent aging family members. And disgruntled, rebellious teens here have clearly decided on their own, to pack up and leave the UAE for good, because they know they’re doing their family and society a kind-hearted social service, by taking their trashy behavior and know-it-all attitudes elsewhere. So courteous are rebellious teens, what else could you expect?! And the lack of orphanages of course, is simply due to the fact that all of the parents who weren’t expecting, didn’t want, were under aged, of financially unable to take care of the children they conceived, draw maps directing the sperm away from the egg to avoid conception so that no baby was every conceived in the first place! It’s such a shame people are losing that psychic ability here, and now, we have growing numbers of abandoned infants over-crowing what is meant to be a maternity ward in a government hospital.

Moving on, the UAE doesn’t have sex-education classes as mandatory lesson during primary school, that are pretty common in other parts of the world. That must be of course, because by the time people here reach primary school they’re already married, with three children of their own at home. Why else would they not need to be taught about sexually transmitted diseases, proper use of condoms and other birth control methods?

I’ve also noticed that the UAE doesn’t have Drug-Prevention & Awareness After-school Specials airing on cable television, which I believe is also pretty common elsewhere in the world. This of course, is because everyone in the UAE is an expert narcotic user and dealer already, and thus there’s no need to waste time & money re-educating us on warnings that could only possibly have been useful before we all became drug addicts, now would there?

The UAE lacks so much already, it almost hurts to mention nonexistence of government taxing, that almost the entire population of the rest of the world gets to enjoy, but we in the emirates don’t! Unless, of course you’re so arrogant to actually consider any other Islamic country as part of planet earth, then this statement may, be a little misleading. Now this one, I can’t explain, really. But I have to admit, it’s a little insulting that the UAE government doesn’t want to take my hard earned money, and leave a nice little personal note of how much they took on each and every one of my paychecks. A damn it, it pisses me right off that I don’t get the pleasure of filing for Tax Returns, here.

And you know, though America is considering reinforcing their once dismissed drafting laws, and so many other countries still do insist that all their national men enlist and serve the military at least once during their lifetime, I simply can’t comprehend why the UAE doesn’t have any such law forcing young men to serve. The only thing I can suggest is maybe it’s because we don’t need it? We all know this desert oasis is the most beloved country on earth and naturally should have no fear of occupation or reason to defend itself; besides it’s not like America or any other country has ever gone to war without first being formally invited by the country they intended to invade. I guess the UAE simply doesn’t have formal invitation cards, yet.

Faces on the milk cartons, is another thing I’ve never seen here. I suppose there’s no need for us to find all the kidnapped and missing children, as we’re all too preoccupied with more important daily tasks to care about where they might have gone.

So many things! I could go on, and on, and on, it seems!

But I think I’ll share just one more observation; the most poignant thing I noticed the UAE doesn’t have is exit restrictions; or a cage incasing it; or even Velcro cleverly adhered to the bottom of our feet making it impossible to get out. Luckily for us, if we can’t manage to create or import all these luxuries we’re missing from more civilized countries before we run out of patience, or simply can’t take the longing for them even a minute longer, we can effortlessly pick up and go to some other country that’s already happily nourishing them and so many more I’ve failed to mention!