Tuesday, March 28, 2006


“tainted female: I don't want to preach about your personal stuff to you but where I come from the rule is "no means no" i.e. the woman has the right to call off the game at any time, even if the star forward is right in front of an empty net about to slam the goal in. So I don't think that anyone in their right mind should consider yourself responsible at all.

Especially in Islamic societies, self control is one of the most heavily emphasised virtues and I think that this should apply to any situation. It's what separates humans from animals.

So I wouldn't consider you "tainted". Sorry for any offence.”

Humm… This is a reply a MALE blogger gave me in SD’s blog, when I mentioned I DO think I’m at least partly at fault for being raped, and don’t believe that in every case, rape victims are innocent.

Since I’m not interested in having a debate about how I feel concerning this, especially one that will almost certainly turn into childish name-calling rather than logical, rational discussion, as many of the conversations there seem to turn into, I think it’s best to keep my thoughts here; and boy I have a few of them when it comes to this…

Before I tell my story and explain why it is I feel the way I do about that, I just want to point out the irony that Arab girls are considered spoiled, mindless, and mistreated while Arab men considered sexist for opening doors for their women, believing its wrong to use foul language in front of them, and in most cases being happily responsible for them financially and not forcing them into offices for eight hours every day.

But according to this comment made by a man, a woman is not spoiled or mindless for being able to get away with bringing a man to his sexual brink, completely naked and under him, with the tip of his penis not even a centimeter from entering her, and only then deciding it’s not ok to have sex, and calling “RAPE” if that centimeter distance apart becomes a centimeter too far in for a millisecond, for whatever reason; who cares if he didn’t hear her over his breathing, or thought she was into ‘role-play’ like so many of us are. What the HELL does body language say, when the mouth ALWAYS tells it truer!?

You GO girls! Keep pushing those rights to physically, psychologically, and emotionally torture your men and STILL make it their fault (and let them believe it too) with those sexual rights you’ve got! Whoever said male was the stronger sex was clearly mistaken, cause if men are accepting this SHIT now, clearly we’ve got the upper hand.

But who am I kidding? This side of the world is the delusional one.

My rape is MY fault. Thank you very much. And that doesn’t go to say the men have the right to go unpunished, only that I WAS the one who enabled them to do it in the first place. I made myself the fucking victim before it even occurred to them to commit their crime.

Fault - According to dictionary.com
a) A character weakness, especially a minor one.
b) Something that impairs or detracts from physical perfection; a defect.
c) A mistake; an error.
d) A minor offense or misdeed.


Take note of ‘b,’ ‘c,’ and ‘d,’ while I explain this so that it’s clearly understood.

I am an intelligent woman. I am not blind. I know all about the dangers of rape. I know that when drunk I do not concentrate or think strait. I also heard all the warnings about NOT leaving my drink unattended while out, and not taking an open drink from someone if I didn’t see it opened or poured. I was also wise enough to take heed of these warnings; and never ONCE broke that rule until I was too drunk to worry or think about it.

I choose to drink. Please see B, above and even A, if you will, since by choosing to drink I knowingly weakened my character, and I certainly impaired my physical perfection, of at least the way I was able to USE physical perfection; walk strait, see clearly.

Because I wasn’t able to think clearly, I accepted a drink I would NEVER have taken, had I been sober; as I was in persons house I didn’t know and given a drink by someone whose face I hadn’t seen once before he handed me the shot class.

I put myself in a position where I wasn’t able to take care of myself. I, fully aware of what could happen, did it anyway. FACT, it NEVER would have happened if I weren’t drinking. NO ONE made me do it; and certainly NO ONE told me if I was going to do it, I must do it in a stranger’s home. Now look at D, I certainly did myself a misdeed by accepting that glass, now didn’t I? It may NOT be a law I broke, but a fucking rule more emphasized than most actual laws.


And if I’m so wrong, and I did nothing wrong… Tell me ONE other girl who will knowingly put herself in the EXACT same position as I did that night, with the same sorts of strangers after experiencing this; believing since it wasn’t her FAULT she didn’t do anything wrong, or make any mistake and she can continue the same behavior without getting raped or assaulted ever again.

If you cross a fucking road in the states where there isn’t a fucking cross walk; YOU KNOW there’s a chance you’ll get hit by a car. If you do get hit, whose fault is it? Now, come on… So many of you have been writing to the fucking papers here about how backwards it is that the driver has to go to jail or gets punished if he kills some guy who decided to jump out and cross Shk. Zayed road. In fact, isn’t there a FUCKING LAW called ‘JAY WALKING’ in the states that makes preventing getting yourself from possibly getting hurt legally your OWN responsibility? Un-FUCKING-believable!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think you have raised one of the most important points. The involvement of alcohol in a lot of these crimes.

There is a saying:
"The only difference between a mass murderer and any one of us, is a few drinks and a bad day"

This I firmly believe. Alcohol and drugs have been involved in so many of society's woes. The lion's share, actually.

In the past, when my friends had teased me for being a "buzzkill" and too straight in the living of my life, they did not really want to know my reasons. While I was happy to accept a beer or two, I, personally, did not want to surrender control of my brain and body to it, and it is that simple. I like remaining in control of my own body at all times. I wish it were possible to enjoy a good "high" simultaneously...but alas, it is not.

Just as I believe an extreme drunk (who can not remember shooting 3 people) should have the same punishment as a "sober" person...A drunk girl who ends up passed-out on a college boy's dormitory bed after a fraternity party should take responsibility for what ends up happening to her own body.

On the other side, Tainted: Rohipnol is something you should not be required to actively defend youself against, drinking or no drinking. Sex with an unconscious person is rape. Consensual sex with a merely inebriated person is not.

1:08 AM, March 29, 2006  
Blogger samuraisam said...

blogging 101: don't swear in the title.

This includes words such as fuck, pussy, whore and many more. Any site, or file on a site which contains any of a few swear words is automatically proxied by Etisalat's big bad ass proxy.

Directly linking to this post is proxied (i.e. http://tainted-in-uae.blogspot.com/2006/03/seriously-fuck.html)

It isn't Etisalat personally blocking you, it is compeltely automated.
The front page of your blog is not blocked.
You can either edit the title to f*ck or whatever or don't swear at all to avoid this happening in the first place.

People can still comment depending on how they navigate your page.

(credit to Harsha for alerting about this)

10:01 AM, March 29, 2006  
Blogger adevents said...

This things happens your fault or not, forget it, it is past now we don have much time left in this life

11:22 AM, March 29, 2006  
Blogger Harsha said...

when these things happen, they haunt you for life. Not so easy, infact we must not forget them.

12:03 PM, March 29, 2006  
Blogger Tainted Female said...

Glengarry you’re right…

I should not have to actively defend myself against Rohipnol. But the sad truth is, ALL women in the bar scene in Canada know we must because it’s not uncommon at all. Choosing to ignore this fact and putting yourself in a situation where it’s more likely to happen IS a woman’s fault.

Pit-bull owners know there is a ‘chance’ their dog may attack them one day. If the owner provokes this dog for years and it doesn’t bite, does it mean the one day it does the dog is fully to blame?

Thanks to both Sam & Harsha for letting me know about that… It should be fixed now.

No Smokey, I don’t disagree at all. I was molested while still in grade school. It was in NO way my fault. And I don’t believe the guys in this later case are innocent of anything. I’m just insulted by the idea that a woman has the right to totally turn a man on, then say no and call RAPE if her body language shows different here. I’m insulted that because I’m a woman I should get away with NOT taking responsibility for myself in these cases; because I’m a woman. It implies women don’t’ have what it takes to be responsible.

I’m insulted by the pre-notion that I can walk around here in a mini skirt and tub top (in a nation where up until 15 years ago the MOST anyone saw of a woman on the street was hands and face, maybe feet), and if someone starts harassing me or looking at me as if I were a walking porn-movie, it’s their fault and they should be punished. I’m insulted by the very fact that women can be so deceivingly evil to expect their men to have so much control, since what… they can’t make up their own mind before their naked?

Take the hypothetical situation I gave in this entry. Now, add to the fact that the guy has AIDS. Would she have gotten that far in the first place? No. Because she’s SURE she doesn’t want to catch his disease. Why can she NOT be that sure about sex? I mean certainly, the effects of RAPE are almost just as hurtful/life-shattering, aren’t they?

Or let’s reverse this situation, and put the woman on top, the man saying no just seconds before she sits… She ignores him and does it anyway. Can he call rape? Would society or the law accept that? IS it really Equal? Ok, now give him AIDS again… He knew about it, but because he wasn’t intending sex he didn’t tell her. Who’s fault is it she got infected? For sure society would say it’s HIS fault because he hadn’t informed her. See the double standard?

Women are NOT always innocent in these situations. It’s not fair to put all of the blame in every case on the men alone.

2:01 PM, March 29, 2006  
Blogger archer14 said...

Definitely the girl. No...the brand, for such outrageous designs. No, the shop for selling such stuff. No the....

3:34 PM, March 29, 2006  
Blogger Tainted Female said...

“A girl is walking around in a mini skirt and tube top and some crazy gets her alone and rapes her. Who's at fault here? The girl for dressing provacatively, or the man for committing the act? Who bears more responsibility?”

In all violent sex crimes, I believe the violent one is always more at fault.

But I think what a lot of foreigners here fail to understand is that seeing women in shorts & tight tops provokes a reaction to many here equivalent to say… and American man seeing a women masturbate on the street; or a stripper doing her dance in a public park, in broad day-light.

They’re not accustomed to such displays of undress, so it’s effects and the natural response is much, MUCH more poignant than those of us who are used to seeing it.

LOL @ Archer! You’re funny!

3:54 PM, March 29, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

As an American, having been born into a very sexually-charged culture, and brought up within it (and even seen it get even MORE sexually charged), I have to admit, I have little (if any) prespective about how a traditional (perhaps sheltered?) Arab man would/should be expected to react to seeing a scantily clad woman, complete with a killer body and nice cleavage.

From what I have read, in my country, back in the early part of the 20th century, just seeing an attractive woman's naked KNEES was enough to drive a man wild.

But on the flip-side, we live in a very sexually charged WORLD. I find it hard to believe that just seeing a nice "rack" out on the street can drive a man of any culture towards rape.

What is the stronger influence inviting a rape?: Knowing that any possible retribution would be minimal, or simply seeing a nice pair of boobs? I think it has more to do with the former.

So to all the UAE nationals reading here: Can't you (now be 100% honest here) get access to just as much nasty pornography as us infidel ;-) Americans? I know that it is officially illegal, but the laws of economics always prevail here: Where there is demand, supply will soon follow.

Just like our kids can quickly find all the illegal music downloading sites, I'm sure that a halfway savvy computer user in the UAE can watch porn all night if he wishes.

12:45 AM, March 31, 2006  
Blogger Tainted Female said...

Awe Shadow, it's ok. It's more or less the mentality that women think they can get away with anything these days...

In the name of Equality, EVERYTHING goes... but SEX... it's all in the woman's hand... and it IS our strongest weapon... and many WILL take you to court with it. And I think it's bullshit.

Women are evil. Most of us anyway.


6:42 PM, April 01, 2006  
Blogger Tainted Female said...

Oh Anon... You are aware that the date on this entry is March 2006.... From your comments, I'm assuming that's about the time you were born. I can see how you'd miss it.

1:04 AM, February 02, 2011  

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