Now for the MEN… Marriage Advice you NEED

In the last entry about marriage, I gave women a pretty hard time about relationship responsibilities. Now it’s the men’s turn. You really didn’t think I’d let you get off that easy, did you now?

Disclaimer: I am divorced. I divorced him. You can feel free to disagree with me if you are a woman, on the last post I made about responsibilities in a relationship, but you may NOT disagree with me on this post if you are a man. This is my rule for this entry, failing to oblige it will cause me to hunt you down, and chew off the tips of your fingers, toes, nose and any other body-tips I can get my teeth on; and I file them, since I’m convinced I’m in actuality a vampire in the wrong body.

Relationships fail for a number of reasons. Yes, I do tend to blame the female half in most cases, but we’re not all to blame. Men have their fair share of faults that should be corrected and these are the ones that come to my mind:

1) Complaining about our bitching, or even allowing us to bitch. Newsflash, WE DON’T WANT TO BITCH. You give us no choice, since talking; reasoning and even practical lessons don’t seem to get through your thick skulls. (I am convinced that the skull of the male half of the species it at least double the thickness of us females)
2) Self-satisfaction-sex. Is it too hard for you to understand that we want ours too? I don’t care if you have had that body, that sex, those same lips a million times over. Our bodies don’t work the same fuck-head, and we need those same tracing touches, seductive words, and saucy compliments you used to give us in the beginning; otherwise we’re NOT going to climax. We NEED to feel that you still find us attractive. And failing to give us that, along with failing to make time or space for proper foreplay makes you a shitty husband; makes us bored of letting you get it on thus hindering us the will to turn YOU on in the first place. And while I’m at it, after-play isn’t a crime either.
3) Taking us for granted. So she makes you lunch every day, just the way you like it for years, and years (whether or not you show up to eat), but on the day she is unable you throw a fit as if it’s your God-given right to have that lunch prepared for you by her. Do you remember the last time you complimented her cooking? Does it matter, the reason she wasn’t able to make it on this day? Do you CARE, or even know how to feign for us that you do? These things matter to us, whether you think they should or shouldn’t, the fact is, they DO. And you ignoring them only piss us off. By the way, this example could be replaced by a number of things that a woman traditionally does aside from cooking; cleaning, spending hours preparing herself (for you, you mindless twat), whatever…

I had a hell of a lot more to say about this, but I think these are the main three. And it’s enough. Hopefully if I keep it short enough, some of this may actually sink into the reading male-brains.

Now girls… Tell me I done good with this one.