Saturday, May 06, 2006

White Lies or False Memories

I hope they’re false memories, but what are the chances of two people sharing the same one?

Over the weekend I spoke to the friend I mentioned in the previous entry. She was all giggly, as though nothing were wrong. She mentioned that her husband didn’t think I liked him. I shouted back that I thought he was a murdering prick and nothing more, and of course I didn’t like him. I then told her I didn’t even know how to speak and that I needed to close the phone. The night before last, she sent me a message telling me she’d just had her first ever orgasm. I flipped. I responded by asking her if she were insane, asking whether or not she knew she’d willingly given herself aids, murdered her daughters mother, and allowed me to feel simply distorted for sending her there in the first place. I mocked her orgasm, and told her that sure it was enough to save her life, and stop her daughter from being an orphan; enough for me to stop mourning her death.

She claimed he didn’t have AIDS, and that she’d never said the same. She had Hepatitis C. She swore to it, and even when I asked her if she were telling lies just to calm me down; she promised that was not the case.

I’m not sure if I believe her or not. I remember clearly that she mentioned both Hepatitis C & AIDS, but I didn’t think too much about the Hepatitis because another one of my closest friends has it, and thus I know it’s only transmitted through blood. I also know that though there is no cure for Hepatitis; there are a number of treatments available, as well as inoculations for infants to insure that any children born will not be inflicted with the disease.

I spoke to the fiancé about this all. He remembers me mentioning AIDS months ago when I relayed the saucy messages the two were sharing over seas, to him. He tends to feel that maybe it’s a white lie as well. That is the nature of this friend; to protect me and whatever I’m suffering no matter what she may have in store for her.

I’m hoping somewhere along the line it was me who go things confused. In a case like this, I’d rather be wrong, confused, or whatever, any day. I still asked her to get checked just to lull my worries away; and I gave her as much precautionary information about Hepatitis C as I could.

And now, I’ve decided that whether she’s lying for my sake, or telling the truth (and just putting herself at risk of Hep C), I need to let this situation go.

One of my biggest faults is the amount of energy I put into my loved-ones worries. It’s far more than I put into my own. And maybe if I could shift weights a little; I’d find things a little smoother in my own life.


Blogger BuJ said...

hmmm Hep C is pretty crap by itself.. let alone having aids too.. this sounds pretty messed up.. but seems the woman wants to commit suicide of sorts.. and doesn't give a toss about what others think.

u cannot help her if she does not want to be helped.

4:08 AM, May 07, 2006  
Blogger Tainted Female said...

Kinda sorta what I think too... but the problem is, I love her terribly. I could never turn my back on her...

1:10 PM, May 07, 2006  

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