Nostalgia, Reality & Mr. F, I have ANOTHER Question for You!

My current state of mind has pushed me to look back into my past. I opened old year books and started reading through the comments. Before I continue with what this post is actually about… I’m perplexed by something and thought I’d share that here…


~*~


My Beloved Mr. F…

I told you I thought I remembered what you’d wrote as, “You are coming back next year, right?” Seems my memory isn’t as bad as I tend to think, doesn’t it? What I failed to realize is that this comment was made in the year book of 1997, grade 9. I did indeed return the following year and I believe in year 10, we spent more time together. Why is it, I can’t find a comment in the 1998 year book from you? You do realize if you’re ever in the vicinity of this year book of mine again, I’m going to make you write belated wishes for me in it? On top of that, I’m still waiting on that scanned drawing from your scrap book. I’m sure you’re busy schedule has made you forget about it, so consider this a nudge of a reminder.

~*~

Now, what I was actually intending to write about in this post is how some things change and how apparently, others will always stay the same; regardless of what life has handed you.

In both these yearbooks, ever second person referred to me with either a ‘P’ or the word ‘Princess’ prefixed to my name. A few made comments like, “Enjoy your fairytale life,” or “Keep living in your dreams.”

A hell of a lot has changed since then. I’ve seen a lot more. I’ve changed both physically and mentally. My personality has refined itself to whatever it is now. My thoughts and perceptions may still be very fairy-tale like. Or at least I’m beginning to question that possibility.

You see, I don’t really know if the concept of unhappy-endings seems logical to me. No matter what I go through, I’m always thinking it’ll get better. This not to be understood as a positive attitude; a positive attitude is something that many will blatantly deny exists in me, and I wouldn’t dare be able to object such an opinion in total. I’m also not a pessimist though. I vary. And this isn’t the point.

The point I’m trying to make is somewhere in my dream-like world, I tend to believe no problem will last forever and even if it does, there will always be a base stronger that will override if needed. If I loved you once and you loved me too, no matter what the circumstances may become, if there is a time when the essence of that love is needed in either a helping hand, a kind word, a shoulder to cry on, or an alliance in defense, it’ll will be that time when I appear; even if we’re in the midst of a storm ourselves.

My last post sort of relates to this topic. It didn’t really occur to me that some people don’t have these thoughts in them; that some people can’t get over past pains, or disagreements despite any essence of that solid base that should stabilize any relationship.

In a completely unrelated topic this morning, someone said something along the lines of, “Ya well, you know not everyone is you, yeah?” Though I’ve never believed us all to be the same, I guess there are still parts of me that don’t see just how different we all are.

An example of that would be I can’t count the number of times I’ve been accused of being angry when my words here weren’t intended so, nor was I feeling angry at the time of posting and on top of it, while re-reading my initial thoughts I couldn’t see the anger someone else managed to read in my words.

I’ve been relatively quiet these days, I know. Aside from a few random posts here or there, I’ve simply not found myself with the will or energy to blog. This will pass as most of my phases do. But in the meantime, I’m trying to kick my ass out of the personal-psychoanalysis I tend to torture myself with every now and then and am currently inflicting on myself, and force myself back to the reality of life.

I suppose I’m just going to have to accept that when you’re a ‘dreamer’ as I am, reality is objective.